Yes, I know it's been a long time. Work was really busy the past few weeks, getting ready for travel season and all that. Now I am officially a road warrior once again, visiting high schools in Oakland, Livingston, Washtenaw, Lenawee and Monroe counties. I've also sort of moved back in with my parents during the week, as South Lyon is not a bad "home base" for my adventures. So far everything has gone well, but I'm finding that Yahoo Maps is not really any more reliable than Mapquest.
Other than work, we've been having lots of fun, mostly with Ray and Kristy during the week. We do movie night (OK, movie, popcorn and Captain Morgan night) with them every Wednesday, and last Saturday we all went out to B-Dubs for drinks in the evening. Which turned into drinking games at our apartment. Which turned into a sleepover. "Never have I ever sat around drinking with three other people on a Saturday night because there's nothing else to do." Well, we all had to drink on that one!
I guess one of the things that's been on my mind lately is a sort of silent falling out I'm currently having with one of my best friends. I prefer not to rehash it over the Internet, but I would love some insight on the concept of "best friends." Why are girls, from a very young age, so obsessed with having a best friend? What does a best friend ideally mean, and what has it actually meant for you or people you know? At what point is it no longer important to have a best friend, or at what point in your life do you find the concept of a best friend irrelevant? What happens when you don't think you can name a best friend anymore? Do "grown-ups" really need best friends?
OK, that's all for now. I'm going to tear down the shop I set up daily in the Lyon Township Public Library, change out of my suit, and think about a mountain bike ride at Island Lake before taking my mom out to dinner. Today is a good day. :)
3 comments:
Dunno how relevant this'll be, given that you seemed to be asking for female insight (of which I have none), but I'll give you my two cents' worth.
I haven't really had a "best friend" since early H.S., mostly because I've always moved in a variety of different (and not necessarily coincident) circles. It makes it awfully difficult to peg someone(s) as my "best friend(s)" when I really don't share all aspects of my life with any one person. It would require me to say that I valued one facet of my life above and beyond the others, and I'm not sure I could do that.
I think you need a "best friend" when you're growing up because you don't necessarily know what truly intimate friendship looks/feels/acts like. All your friendships are relatively similar, and many are superficial; you need the label in order to alert people to the fact that you consider that one friend to be special. Would they notice that just from observing you two interacting? Apart from the sheer volume of time spent together (v-à-v time spent w/ other non-best-friends), probably not.
I think once you've reached the point where you know Friend X will have your back no matter what, regardless of the situation, and there's an unspoken bond of love and support between you two, you no longer need to broadcast your best-friend-ness. (After all, I think part of that label is actually a little self-serving; is it possible that its use is partially intended to help you convince yourself?)
I couldn't name any individual "best friends" from Alma, with the exception of the one with whom I share my life every day. However, I have several wonderful, intimate friends for whom I would give anything at the drop of a hat if they truly needed me. Could I rank-order them? No, not at all...but why would I want to, anyway? Would they be more willing to help me out in my moment of need if I bump them up a couple slots on my list? If so, maybe the relationship isn't quite what I think it is.
More likely, it's the whole concept of a hierarchy of friends that's flawed at this point (at least in my life). At this point, my love is given to those I consider my family (not all of whom are related to me by blood) and my Friends. I have known some longer than others, but if we have truly bonded on a meaningful level, the time for which we've known each other is essentially irrelevant. Then there are my Friendly Acquaintances, of which I have hundreds...and for whom I would not necessarily lay down my life.
Ultimately, I think the whole concept of 'friendship' has been bastardized by the phenomenon of Facebook, MySpace, etc. Maybe not...but what do I know?
Anyway, hope that helps a little.
BTW, I have a near-Biblical word verification: Nnvqy. Think Jonah would've gone there?
Hey Laurie! Thanks for the interesting post! I had a similar situation, so I thought I would comment as well. I think Peregrine (is this Tim?) made some really good points. The one I like most is that in high school, when we don't know what real relationships look/feel/act like, so we try to label those friendships that we believe to be true and everlasting. I had a bestfriend in high school, and from the outside, EVERYONE could tell that we were "bestfriends". After high school though, we slowly grew apart, and it bothered me, A LOT - because we were supposed to be bestfriends! Now, we get in touch every couple of months, and our relationship is surfacey, but good. Funny thing is, after all these years, I STILL refer to her as my bestfriend (and I think I always will), even though I have many other friends that have burrowed themselves into my heart in ways that I would have never imagined 10 years ago. At the same time, she was my first bestfriend, and will always have that "label". It took some real growth and change in me to realize that it was that label that I was so fiercely holding on to. People come in and out of our lives all the time, and the ones who are meant to stay with us will, but I know it's just a little bit harder to let the "bestfriend" go. Wierd, isn't it? So don't beat yourself up over it :)
Hope you're doing well! It was great chatting last week!
Love, Jenn
Some thoughts that came into my mind while reading your questions:
1. Why are girls, from a very young age, so obsessed with having a best friend? I think it's mostly a "chicken or the egg" phenomenon. You see every girl around you in grade school with a best friend, so you really want one, too--it's the normal thing to do. Plus, school is often a clique-y, scary place--so having that one person to trust on & rely on can be a big relief.
2. What does a best friend ideally mean, and what has it actually meant for you or people you know? Obviously your best friend should be the one person you can turn to who can back you up and support you in any situation. Ideally, this person would even love you enough to call you on your mistakes, or tell you things you might not want to hear. However, I think the whole idea of a "best friend" implies that there's only one; in reality, some people are fortunate enough to have more than one. For me, I have 2 real best friends (if you want to use that label). One is "the original" from grade school, and even though we may not know each other as well as we used to, we still call each other up and chat about jobs, girl stuff, and our futures. The other is my ex from high school. He may not be a best friend in the traditional sense, but in all honesty he probably knows me better than my "original" best friend.
3. At what point is it no longer important to have a best friend, or at what point in your life do you find the concept of a best friend irrelevant? I do think one always needs the emotional support of a tried-and-true, "I'm always there for you" friend. Whether someone wants to use the label of "best friend" is up to them.
In the sense of someone who cares about you and will support you unconditionally, I do believe that everyone needs at least one best friend. Just don't feel be surprised if different people take on that role at different times in your life--people change, and so do friendships with them.
~CH
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