More on that...

I've gotten some interesting reactions to my previous post, so I think I'll expand on it a little bit. To do so, I'm going to use parts of a couple of emails.

From me to a good friend, in response to her comments about my post:

"Everyone has been asking about that blog entry...it's actually something I've been praying about lately. It's weird, there are people who I feel so close to because communication with them is open and two-way. Not surprisingly, those who I am closest to, for the most part, have graduated and are going through the same challenges I am, which makes us lean on each other for support. They are also the ones who are, in their own ways, more isolated from family in some instances, but from friends for sure. You guys are the people I don't lose touch with because we need each other and want to keep our friendships going, even when there's some geographic distances between us. You are also the ones, I think, who are less likely to assume a person has changed just because their situation has. Case in point: no one who's graduated has really made a big deal about the fact that Mitch and I are married now. Granted, some people have also gotten hitched, but you don't think, or don't seem to think, that just because my engagement ring has an extra band attached to it, I'm somehow different. I think that's because us grads are all going through so many changes, whether they are in locations, jobs, relationships, whatever, and that makes us more willing to see those changes as normal things that don't really alter us as people or change the essence of our friendships. For those who have not graduated, however, I think they see both Mitch and I in a different light and think that because we're married, our friendships are somehow different. Mostly I've just heard flippant remarks that may not really mean anything, but sometimes the things people say are so pointed and come out so often that there has to be something to them. Those are the misconceptions that really hurt.

The part about forgiveness kind of stemmed from a sermon I recently heard at Mitch's parents' church. The minister was talking about God's love and how it's not fair: by all rights, most of us do not deserve the love and forgiveness that God gives us. Despite of all our misdeeds, he's right there when we ask him for forgiveness, ready to love us and look beyond our past mistakes. I recently had a friend who hurt me with her indifference, retreated into a shell and really seemed to want nothing to do with me. But when the time came and she needed someone to talk to and lean on a bit, she came to me and I managed to be there for her. She's never said she was sorry, never really asked for fogiveness for pushing me out of her life, but I could feel she needed that from me anyway. I realized that, in a fair world, she would not deserve to have my support because of her past behavior. But God didn't design things to be fair...he's not fair, he's unconditional. So, if we are trying to emulate Jesus's love, we should be willing to set aside past hurts when someone comes to us. Much easier said than done, butin this case I've been able to do so, knowing full well that, when these crises pass, there's a good chance she will drift away until she needs something. That's just the way it is, and I've accepted it this time."

From good friend to me, in response to my email:

"I COMPLETELY understand. And I feel almost like I just continually try to ignore the feeling, hoping that it will someday go away. You know the whole, "someday things will be back to normal" attitude. After graduation, I felt like I lost a huge connection with friends who did not graduate, that connection being Alma and college in general. They may not voice their thoughts on how we are different, or even realize that they do feel differently, but in reality, we ARE looked at in a different light because we don't share the one thing that brought us all together. Granted, I know some of my deepest relationships I formed at Alma with people younger than I will last, but it is a struggle to understand and accept that it is different. And although people may say things that are a tad offensive and kind of hurtful, deep down we have to remember that they are probably struggling, too... struggling with the fact that one of their closest friends has moved on to the "real world", and that soon enough, they will too. I think my its hard for us to find commonalities with people who are still living in the bubble... and yet, despite the lack of effort from some, we still try.

I've also come to realize just how important the friendships I have with others who graduated with or before me are. I mean I have learned to appreciate the emails, the random phone calls, the lunches when a friend is "in the area." I think they are nice little reminders that life isn't about always having the ones you love so close in proximity, but rather close in your heart, and treasuring the times you DO have with them."

So there you go...and by the way, to the person who sent me that email, if you'd rather not have it up here, just let me know and I'll pull it off my blog. I just thought you did a really good job expressing what I've been feeling lately.

So let's see what you all think.

I'm starting to learn. I'm learning that even if friends push me away, shove me out, stop including me in their lives, I can still remain open and available when times get tough. I'm learning I can let go of grudges and past hurts and I've found that doesn't make me weak or a pushover. I've found friends ask for forgiveness in many different ways and the only way to give it is by doing so beforehand, because I'd probably never recognize the request at the time. But I've learned that the pinpricks of misconception can become a festering sore and I haven't learned how to completely heal it, yet.

I'm learning just a few experiences can define how I feel about people, gauge how I will know them for years to come. A spontaneous activity, a disagreement resolved, an unforgettable conversation. a hug in the midst of crisis, a kiss on the cheek on a joyful day. An offer to help, a willingness to pitch in when called upon, a peal of laughter, an unexpected phone call, an expression of encouragement. These things bond me to people, to friends and acquaintances, to those in my life forever and those in my life for just a short time. I'm learning - learning slowly, but learning all the same.

A Day in the Life

Today has been a very full day so far. I left for Traverse City at 7:30 am for an 8:45 am hair appointment. Why would I drive over an hour just to get my haircut? The answer is simple: she-mullets. There are too many horrific haircuts walking around Cadillac to take a chance on one of these little shops, so I bit the bullet and made an appointment at a true salon/spa, as recommended by a stylish family friend in TC. Anyway, within about 10 minutes of my drive, I realized my washer fluid was not coming out of its squirters like it should, so I stopped at a gas station to check out the situation. I didn't really have time to do much except see if there was any snow or ice clogging them, so I just kinda washed off my windshield (it was one of those drives where you're washing your windshield about every 5 minutes, especially if you're behind someone else) and got back on the road. The hair appointment went well, I think, so we'll see if this new style suits me or not. Then I did a little shopping: picture frames for wedding pictures, a birthday present for my brother's 21st birthday, some new shoes at a store where I had a gift card and a wedding card. Then, like I do every time I get hungry in TC, I went to Big Apple Bagels for a snackeroo. Mmmm, cinnamon crumb muffin and coffee...nothing could have tasted better at that moment, except maybe a Cinnabon cinnamon roll and a mocha latte. Next time I'm at Twelve Oaks in Novi, I'm getting one of those, for sure! Anyway, after visiting PetSmart, discovering that sucker fish would eat my baby fishies and finding out that laying in a litterbox is normal, if somewhat gross, behavior for a kitten, I headed back home for a crappy drive, given that I could barely see half the time without being able to squirt off my windshield. A call to my father went: "It's probably the pump." A call to my brother went: "Check the fuse." A call to my husband went: "Come to the bank and I'll look at it." The final verdict: Mitch and Gary will be thoroughly examining the situation and probably replacing the pump this weekend.

Now I'm back home (obviously) and getting ready to put some chili on the stove and clean the apartment. Tonight we'll be skiing at Caberfae with Gary and whoever else shows up and then Gary is staying at least the night with us. On Saturday evening we have to go to Mitch's grandpa's house to have a family get-together with his aunt who is flying in from Georgia, so it should be fun to meet yet another crazy DeYoung. All right, I guess I should get going on that housework!

Cupid Strikes

Flowers from the far-away hubby = Happy Laurie
They may only be here because he felt bad about disappointing me earlier, but they are here nevertheless, with a very sweet note to accompany them. I am a very, very lucky girl.

Better

Please disregard the last post...I'm feeling better now, the pity party's over. You know how some days you are just dejected in general, often for no good reason? Well, yesterday was one of those days. But I'm better now, just slightly bored rattling around my apartment and trying to keep my butt off the couch. Or away from the computer. Guess that means this post is at an end!

:(

Whoever invented Valentine's Day sucks. It's just another chance for men to screw up and for women to be disappointed.

Single for Heart Day

Yup, some more single time! Tomorrow morning Mitch is headed to Matt's for a guys' weekend that will probably involve some poker, beer and...well, I won't speculate much more, I don't think. I kind of tried to get some girls together to even the score, but I didn't try very hard because my parents are coming up again for Bobby's last race at Crystal. It will be nice to have them up here but I'm missing my friends again.

So after the weekend, Mitch has to continue south for a bank-related class in Southfield. He'll be gone 'til Wednesday, which means we are celebrating our first married Valentine's Day apart. I'm a little bummed, but we probably wouldn't do anything really special because it's during the week. Not like last year, when we went to a climbing competition with AC3. That was probably one of my favorite Valentine's Days ever! Yeah, I know it's kind of weird to enjoy such a romantic holiday with a bunch of sweaty, swearing climbers all choking on chalk dust, but it really rocked!

Well, the morning is winding down so I better get this place clean and ready for company. I haven't told Mitch, but we're having a pseudo-Valentine's Day dinner tonight. I'm making a roast, breaking out the fine china and digging out some candles. I'll probably even put on something pretty, instead of the t-shirt I'm wearing right now. Actually, it's a darn cool t-shirt...it's green and says "My Man Mitch" on the front in big white letters. My friends from Indiana got it from the Republican candidate for governor, whose name happens to be Mitch. In fact, the back sports a web address (www.mymanmitch.com) and the tagline, "Paid for by the Mitch for Governor campaign." Cool, huh?

Work Blog

I haven’t blogged at work in a long time, because we’ve been nice and busy. And actually, I do have some work to do but my frustration level is a little too high to worry about revising my latest draft of a proposal for the free clinic. In the past two days I have definitely managed to piss off two people because I had a differing opinion from them and they are *always* right. Grrrrrs all around today. Without getting in to too much detail, one woman decided to hold her “superior” knowledge of all things business over my head and tell me that because I was “just” a business major I couldn’t possibly know anything about marketing because they were two separate things. I saw the fruitlessness of putting up any more than minimal resistance to that completely untrue fact and made a hasty exit from our meeting that was, incidentally, unrelated to my future career path. The second woman has been sitting on paperwork needed to receive grant funds from our local community foundation for 4 months, without my knowledge, and has now basically decided that because they did not give her the full amount, she isn’t going to use it at all. Double, triple, quadruple GRRRRRR! I was PISSED and tried to get her to come up with a way that she could adjust her program and do it with the money available, but she kept going on and on about how she couldn’t do ANYTHING without an assistant and that if she wasn’t going to offer them money, no students would be willing to come help her. Since the foundation doesn’t pay for wages, she’s S.O.L there, but she absolutely refuses to believe that any student would come and volunteer to help teach little kids about the dangers of smoking. HELLO, RESUME BUILDER! CONTACT-MAKING OPPORTUNITY! Far be it for me to disagree, being only a year removed from these students’ situations, correct? Anyway, I left it at, “You really need to send the paperwork up to the fund development office because we need to know what’s going on with all our grant requests,” and reported to my boss. I think he was even more pissed than me because he is very concerned about relationships in the community and is worried that (a) the fact that she doesn’t want what the community foundation has offered and (b) that she’s sat on it for so long will negatively affect our chances for more funds from them.

Phew, felt kind of good to get that out. It’s like these people have one way to do things and are not willing to try anything new or different. For pete’s freakin’ sake. OK, I’m better now. I’ll probably get all worked up again over lunch, when I relay the grant story to Mitch (he heard the business vs. marketing one as we did dishes last night) but for the moment, I’m slightly calmer.

A swingin' single weekend

Yup, I've kicked the Cadillac dust off my heels and headed home for the weekend...sans husband. I think it's funny that, now that we're married, we choose to spend more time apart. This weekend we had both planned to go to my parents' house so we could tell the wedding photographer what pictures we wanted in our album, get some computer glasses for me from my competent eye doctor (as opposed to seeking the services of the incompetent one in Cadillac), find me a dress for Mitch's sister Christa's wedding and go to my cousin's baby shower. A combination of factors made Mitch decide to skip out on accompanying me: (1) All that stuff is GIRLY; (2) My dad is going up to Cadillac to watch Bobby ski and they could do manly things, like go to the North American Snowmobile Festival, grill steaks and drink beer; and (3) If he didn't go, I could leave on Thursday after my half-day of work and spend some extra time with my family. So I set out some stuff he could make for dinner, cleaned up the apartment, did the laundry, changed the oil in his car, packed up the kitty-cat and drove home, alternating between singing country (I know, I think it the hickish-ness up there that's making me belt out, "But what was I thinking?"), listening to NPR and catching up with old friends via the miracles of cell phones. Yee-haw baby!

So starting tonight when my dad leaves, it's a girls' weekend! Since Mom is at the gym running on the treadmill right now, I've just been enjoying a rare breakfast of grapefruit and coffee and a chance to update my blog from a nice, slow dial-up connection while my puppy dog snores on a pile of laundry and Chipper the cat snoozes in the doorway. Ahhhh, home.