Ryan, you're right. I went through that exact same line of thinking and it would not really be an option to apply for the position and then ditch it once I found something better. In my conversations with Bryan yesterday, he said outright that he would expect me to unofficially commit to being there for a year or two. Oddly enough, when I called my mom, she took a very un-mom-like stance: that they hired me on in a full time position and I expected to stay full time, but then they cut my hours in half, so I don't really owe them anything. Ultimately, it came down to "they screwed you so go ahead and screw them because it would be in your best interest." I think she's just upset because this is happening to her daughter, but it's weird to hear such a hard-ass standpoint from the woman my dad, brother and I call "St. Joan." But I told her I could not do that, because they really could not control the situation that led to my part time status and they cannot control this situation, either. From a business standpoint, I don't stand a chance here but on the flip side, if they didn't run this place like a business, I'd be disappointed in the management. Maybe that's why they're in this crappy financial situation in the first place, I dunno. Anyway, I felt physically ill from the time my boss told me all this yesterday until Mitch came home and I could talk to him. I sat on his lap and cried and told him I was scared. He gently reminded me that we would never be in a situation we could not handle and that if we make the wrong decision, we would just make a batter one next time. Well, me and wrong decisions seem to go hand in hand when it comes to my career. It was deciding not to take the Chamber job in TC that put me at the mercy of Mercy (haha, get it?), who subsequently realized that they made a mistake in hiring a full time grant writer (which I could have told them after less than a month of work). I guess what this all comes down to is that I'm afraid that the decision Mitch and I have already made - that I'm going to take my chances and not apply for this new position here - will turn out to be the wrong one and I won't be able to find anything else. I'm afraid we won't be financially secure anymore (every business major's WORST nightmare!) and that, pridefully, I will end up taking a job for which I am overqualified. Oh, that darn pride...I know
it's wrong but I can't seem to overcome it.
To top all this off, I'm at work right now and I have absolutely nothing to do until about four different people get back to me. So I'll just get to sit here and think about it, and probably bug people with emails about it, until noon. Isn't St. Patrick's Day supposed to be fun? Today is not fun at all. On a brighter note, though, I get to do my weekly volunteering at the United Way this afternoon...too bad I haven't had time yet to make their newsletter template. Hey, I bet I can do that on the clock here! All right, project time!
4 comments:
Well, how can I not respond to a post that starts with "Ryan, you're right"? :) Believe it or not, I'm siding with your mom on this one. I know they couldn't control the situation that led them to make you part time, but they also know that you accepted the full-time position because it was full time, and therefore they have to expect that you'll look for other full-time employment now. Yeah, it sucks for them, but them's the breaks when you run a business, and I'm sure they know that too.
As far as never being able to find another job... I was just thinking about faith the other day, especially as it relates to my (and everyone's) job situation. It's one thing to sit through a sermon in church and agree with the pastor that God is good and we'll have all our needs provided for through Him because we're worth more than the birds of the air, etc. etc., but it's another thing entirely to have to believe that when you're out of college and there are no jobs available and you have to make a living somehow. All I can say is, I've been out of work three times so far since graduation (which was almost a year ago--holy crap), and every time, I've had just enough free time to despair of ever finding a job when something suddenly pops out of nowhere. I'm definitely not saying you're not faithful--you do a much better job with it than I do. I just want to reassure you (and myself, really) that there is a plan and it'll work out. You don't know that it was a mistake to turn down the TC job--maybe the crappy situation in Cadillac is meant to set you up for something much better than TC would have been. We can never know these things until they happen. As Thomas Aquinas said, the opposite of faith isn't doubt--it's certitude.
Well, that was preachy, wasn't it? That's embarrassing--particularly coming from someone who has no idea where his life is going or what he's supposed to do. Sorry about that. But on a non-preachy note, kudos to Mitch for his support. There's one thing that you can be absolutely sure has gone right. :)
Good luck, Laurie! As always, keep me posted.
Ryan
(P.S. As far as St. Patty's Day... I wish there were some Alma peeps around to seek out some green beer with me. Not that that'll stop me.)
As stated in my email earlier Laurie, I completely agree. And you know, I didn't want to say it, but I think you hit the nail on the head when you said they treated you like you are expendable. Not only are you underappreciated in positions like that, but you really have minimal security, which leaves you in the same place as you are now. I say being "insecure" while looking for an awesome job is much better than feeling "insecure" in a position that you don't even really like. Understand? :) Anyway, I'm thinking about you often and I know you will find something!
On a side note, Hello Ryan! I hope you are doing well, and yes, there is a plan and everything will work out :) I miss our wonderful conversations at Switch about life and the real world! Haha :) Hang in there buddy!
Laurie, thanks for keeping the blog active... at least we all can maintain good communication this way!
Miss you all!
Jenn
Jenn! As Mike would say: What's up, girrrrrrrrrrrl? ;) Hope everything's still going well for you!
Check out my blog!
www.livejournal.com/~hwoarangrr
(Laurie, I just totally used your journal to correspond with someone else. What a heinous offense. It won't happen again, I promise. :) )
Hey, Laurie!
I know we're a little behind the time out here, and we've missed the chance to be supportive during the time of acute crisis, but I wanted to let you know that we FEEL you, girl.
I will third (or fourth?) your Mama on this one, and likewise agree with Ryan's statements regarding faith, miraculous provision, etc. How did I get lucky enough to have such wise friends? But yeah...I think he's totally right.
Gotta dash, but we'll drop you an honest-to-goodness email within two days. There's a massive fuel strike going on right now, so we're limited in how much we can get around, but we ought to be able to make it to the Uni at least once to get the emailing and blogging done. Take care, and be strong -- let the caveman keep carrying you guys for now, and feel your way forward. It's all gonna be good, right? We know that much. It's just a matter of when.
Love,
A and T
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