Future vs. Past

So here's an explanation for anyone who really reads this thing...I can't do personal websurfing at work (GRRR) and I don't have a computer at my apartment (double GRRR) so I only get to post or check personal email at Mitch's apartment. So, if you need me, you'll want to email leccles@trinity-health.com, the work email. Nuff said.

So the job is going great, the area is gorgeous, and everyone is going back to Alma and making me a bit nostalgic. It didn't feel this way after high school because really, all my friends graduated with me, but now I have at least as many friends left at Alma as ones I graduated with. (Really awkward sentence, I'm cringing, but I spend all day reworking sentences and I'll be damned if I'll do it my Blog!) Kristy M. called me last night to tell me Shaking Tree was going to be at Alma that night and I should come, but stupid adult responsibilty and getting up early kept me home. I can't wait to go visit...I'm going to miss it a lot, I just know it. But I'm seeing my favorite globe-trotting couple next Friday (Tim and Anna, that's you!) and maybe some other Alma friends on Saturday. Hopefully Matt B. will be able to hang out, since it will be his b'day and all. Ach, and I talked to Lori C. today. What a great girl.

I don't exactly know how to put this strange feeling into words. Almost...wistful, I think. It seems to take me soooo long to feel like I really fit somewhere, and actually, until last year, I truly didn't really feel like I had a true PLACE at Alma. I really felt like I belonged, finally, and then I had to leave. How long is it going to take me to get that feeling in Cadillac, especially when I keep going home for wedding things or heading to Alma to keep up my friendships there? I wish I knew. There's this girl I work with who is a year older than me and moved to the area last year around this time. Now she has good friends up here and really seems to know what's going on in the area. Am I ever going to have that? It's pretty hard for me to make friends, good friends, and having all sorts of out-of-town obligations will not help that process. Geez, listen to me. I have a fabulous job. I get to see the love of my life every day. I live on a lake and get to watch the sun set. My family and friends are healthy and happy. I have a kitten who's the sweetest thing (except at 4 am). I could go on and on, so what am I complaining about? I'm going to shut up now and start making dinner, because Mitch will be home soon! Love to all, I miss you.

Full update time!

So, life's been an adventure since last weekend, when I moved in to my new (and first!) apartment in Cadillac. The actual moving was relatively painless, though there is still a box of books waiting to find its way to the shelves and some clothes hanger-less. The kitchen is a bit sparse, as I have barely any cookware, but once those shower gifts start rolling in, things will be just dandy. My favorite part about the apartment is the huge living room and the 8-foot slider that goes out on a balcony overlooking Lake Cadillac. There are some beautiful sunsets there, let me tell you.

On Monday I started my job at the hospital with new employee orientation. It was kind of tedious at times, and I managed to get stuck next to a smoker both days, but I got a lot of valuable information out of it. The director of HR is a Scottish guy with a badass brogue, so at least that was entertaining! My boss wanted me to go to a grant writing workshop at U of M Wednesday through Friday this week, but it was full when he tried to register me...I was bummed, but a space opened up and I cruised down here Tuesday night. Ann Arbor is kind of nice at 7:30 am, before traffic gets crazy and the strange people come out! Even at the early hour, the workshop is awesome. I'm learning so much and I really feel like I'll be prepared to get moving when I get back to Cadillac. Before, I was feeling a bit insecure...I told my boss he was crazy to hire a grantwriter who didn't know what she was doing, but now I actually feel like I might be learning!

By the way, Tim, I did not know what a shekel was, because my Old Testament reading is very limited. I'll get on that, though...and yes, Rachel & Leah is in print now. OSC is also writing a fourth book in the series, even though it was just supposed to be a trilogy, called Wives of Israel. I'm just salivating waiting for that to come out! You should really pick up Rebekah, NOW, because it is amazing.

So I'm here in South Lyon until Sunday, spending time with my family and celebrating my Aunt Shari and Uncle John's 25th wedding anniversary with a surprise "Marguritaville" party on Saturday! Yeah Jimmy Buffett! It should be really fun, complete with 25 pink yard flamingos and some inflatable palm trees! And my family will be really happy, because hey, "it's five o'clock somewhere!"

Nicely done!

First of all, I need to give a back AW YEAH to Timmy, who got the relatively obscure Guns 'n' Roses song lyric correct! Here's a new challenge for you, Tim, and an anyone else who wants to participate:

"It's the nexus of the crisis, and the origin of storms, just the place to hopelessly encounter time, and then came me."

Have at it, music-lovers! I have lots of news, but that's going to have to wait until I take care of a few things. Ciao!

Last day

Well, this is the last full day I will be living at home. Wow. Sometimes, when I stop to think about it, I'm a little shocked. And a little sad. As much as I am looking forward to settling into an awesome apartment and starting my new job, I'm still, well, feeling strange about moving out. Sometimes, as I'm driving though town, I wonder if anything else will ever feel like home. Everything is so familiar and attached to memories. Friday nights at the hifootball field...spring afternoons at the track...Panther practice by the softball fields...lunches at Brown's...bowling, ugh, at 700 Bowl...volleyball at McHattie...bike rides on the trails...swimming at Island Lake...ice cream at the Dairy Queen...everything I did with my best friends. Man. It's getting a bit emotional over here.

I have friends who travel all over, and one in particular told me as long as he has the love and support of his family and friends, it doesn't matter where he is. I am so blessed to have that. My family is the greatest, and my true friends will be with me even if I'm at the ends of the earth. Adrienne has been one of the greatest constants in my life, and we continue to make crazy memories with each other. That won't stop, because I'm not moving any farther from her! And Mitch...I'm ready to build my life with him, in our place, where we learn things together, make memories together. We'll have a place we like to go for rootbeer floats or whatever, we'll have a park where we hang out, we'll have favorite spots that are ours together, not mine that I'm sharing or vice versa.

OK, I know I've been rambling. There's this warm little furry kitten on my lap, and I don't want to get up because he's sleeping. Plus I need a break from packing. Wow, most of the day is already gone...I really need to get back to work. Motivation would be good right about now. All right, all right, I'm going to finish everything up so I can spend some quality time with my family on my last evening here. Adios.

Never ask a stubborn person to play chicken!

That's right, my best friend is home! We went mountain biking yesterday, which meant biking from our houses to the trailhead at Island Lake, riding the 6 mile trail, and biking home again. I was beat, but Adrienne-the-amazing-triathalete was feeling great! I love hanging out with her, even if it means I need a nap afterwards. Today we're rollerbalding 8 miles around Kensington, hopefully. I can handle that, no problem!

I am acquiring more and more stuff for my new apartment. Bookcase, TV stand, iron, and ironing board are now added to the coffee table, dining table (free from parents!) and folding chairs, papasan chair, and sweet floor lamp. I don't think I need to spend any more significant cash...I just need to get suitable frames for some posters to decorate the room that will be my "office" (heehee) and I think I should be set!

"Time just fades the pages in my book of memories"

OK, if anyone can name the artist and/or song that lyric came from, you deserve a really big prize. I'll be really impressed...

Yesterday was an awesome day. Seeing as I'll be moving to Cadillac next weekend, Dad set a world record by telling me that I did not have to mow the lawn and that I should just go out to the lake and have fun! Whoa! So Mitch, Matt and I headed out there, eventually joined by Ryan and Courtney. I got super sunburned driving the boat for a good part of the afternoon and truly enjoyed all the swimming and laughing. Dinner brought more hilarious conversations, stories and reminiscing...those are the times I love best. And the evening had just begun at that point.

So after dinner, Bobby hears about a volleyball game happening up at McHattie and though Mitch and Matt had already left, Court, Ryan and I decided to head up there. Instead of playing jungleball with a bunch of younguns, Ryan called Brian Lee and then informed me that Bob was in town. Now, ever since he broke up with Adrienne, I have not spoken to Bob at all. We kind of clashed, even though I always considered him one of my friends, but when a guy breaks my best friend's heart and has been being a dick in their relationship for the past year (at least), well, it's hard to try to maintain any sort of friendship. Still, I've been praying for him since they broke up, hoping that he will be able to find happiness and a higher purpose in his life (he had some issues with/bitterness about religion). I was torn between excitement at seeing someone I hadn't in awhile and apprehensiveness at how he would react to me, but it turned out to be a great time. We played volleyball for awhile, then Bob suggested we go get Dairy Queen, like old times. Every summer since high school graduation, we've played co-ed fours at McHattie, and often our games concluded with ice cream. We have some many jokes, like the little tables at DQ for NBA players, and we rehashed a lot of them sitting around with ice cream cones and slushies.

When I got home, I took a shower (I had almost forgotten the feeling of McHattie sand stuck to my legs and feet!) and was talking to Amanda on the phone when Bobby called and said everyone was over at Bob's and wanted me to come over. When I got there, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings - a plan Bobby did not inform me of, since he said I wouldn't have come if I knew they were going out. It turned out to be even more fun, and as I sat around the table with Ryan, Bob, Brian and Bobby, everything from the last four years came flooding back. We talked about songs we used to sing (Blink 182, Nelly...), traditions we've lost (Fourth of July volleyball, summer camping trips...), and funny times we've had (Central/Western weekend, hanging out at the lake...). We talked about how everything is different this summer since no one but Ryan and I are really around South Lyon anymore, and though it never came up, we all knew that after Bob and Adrienne broke up, things couldn't be the same anymore, even if the whole crew came home again.

I was never sad, reminiscing everything, and I don't really miss what we shared because I know we will always have the memories. Change just happens, and while I may have moments of being wistful for old times, the new times are just as good. I'm jsut so thankful to have had yesterday because I got to see an old friend, the friend I liked. Not the friend who hurt my best friend, not the friend who doesn't like my fiance, but the friend I can laugh with and joke with, the friend I shared crazy times with, the friend I want to remember when I look back.

"Mosts" of the day

Most comforting feeling: Having a kitten curled up on your lap
Most relaxing experience: Getting a professional massage
Most frustrating task: Finding a honeymoon spot
Most relieving moment: Officially accepting a job in Cadillac
Most exciting thoughts: Moving in and decorating an apartment, which happens to be right on Lake Cadillac
Most difficult conversation: Turning down a job offer from the Traverse City Chamber of Commerce while the vice president tries to convince you otherwise

Almost...have a...JOB...

Yeah, ALMOST. I had a meeting with the fund development guy, Bryan, at the Mercy Hospital, and he basically said, "OK, time to run this through HR." Well, not exactly like that, but he took me to meet the CEO, took me to lunch with the rest of the fund development staff (awesome people...Bryan and two other young women who are really nice!), and told me he thought I was the best fit for the position. He'll be calling me tomorrow or the next day to report on HR's progress, so I guess I'm going to have a job soon! Yay!

So after this, I called on an apartment that I have been drooling over since Mitch and I went apartment hunting for him (it's RIGHT ON LAKE CADILLAC). I'm going to check that out at 5:00 pm, so in the meantime I'm hanging at Mitch's in Tustin. I also went and checked out this cute little house, which is also right on the lake, but Mitch says I can't have it because it has electric heat. I'm not conviced that makes it out of the question, but it depends how much I like these apartments.

OK, it's pretty warm in this room, so I'm going out to sit on our new couch and read a book. Yes, we bought a couch this weekend, at Jay's Furniture Barn. It's very cool, a nice big sectional in neutral tones. Mitch and I had quite the adventure/test getting it up into his apartment by ourselves, but luckily I only lost a little bit of skin and he only got frustrated with me once. I think we're going to make it, folks.

Holding my breath...

Cadillac called...they want me to come up for a "visit" next week, to "meet some people" and answer some more questions. Oh boy. This must be a good thing...right? I wish they'd just hire me already!

The wheels are turning

Well, the hospital in Cadillac called me yesterday afternoon and informed me that I am in the top two candidates and that the decision will be very difficult. They are aware that Traverse City will be letting me know by August 3, so if the decision is in my favor I think they'll let me know before that. Right now I am leaning toward taking the Cadillac job, if it is offered to me. Reasons for that:
1. Living and working in the same community would make it easier to meet people, put down roots, get involved, etc.
2. Easier to find housing in Cadillac than somewhere in between Cadillac and TC
3. Less drive time, which means more time for Mitch and I to spend together and do fun things
4. The hospital's mission embraces values similar to mine and (from what I have seen in my interviews) really adheres to them in all they do
5. Mitch and I could actually do volunteer firefighting if we were both in Cadillac, like we've been talking about for awhile

There are more reasons, too, but those are some of the biggies. Not that I have truly taken this into consideration, but the pay is significantly more in Cadillac...still, even with all these reasons laid out, I can only say I am about 80% sure. The actual job in Traverse City just sounds so awesome. I've been praying hard about it, trying to open my heart and trust enough so that God will show me which path he wants me to take. There's a Caedmon's Call song called "Faith My Eyes" that I call to mind whenever I want a guide as to how I live my life. "So keep 'em coming, these lines on the road, and keep me responsible, be it a light or heavy load, and keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise, and I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes." So, I'm trying to handle this situation the same way.

On to other things, today I think I'll take a bike ride. I'm trying to get in better shape, which is why I keep bugging Mom to do pilates with me every night. We are not good about the "every night" thing but we're trying. Bobby lets me ride his bike, since it is better than Mom's, so I've been doing some more mountain biking and just biking in general when there is no one around to hit the trails with me. It's going to be nice and hot today, so maybe I'll ride over to Island Lake, take a swim, read a book, and hang out. A workout and relaxation...sounds like a good afternoon to me!

Speaking of reading, I just finished "Sarah" by Orson Scott Card. It's a fictional interpretation of Sarah from the Bible and it's really neat because the author sticks close to Genesis but fleshes out the characters and their lives very well. He's written two other books to complete a Women of Genesis trilogy: "Rebecca" and "Rachel and Leah." I think I'm just going to devour them!

OK, time to go give my kitten some attention! He is growing fast and soon he won't be so little anymore! But he's so sweet, I can't help cuddling him and playing with him. Sometimes when he's sleeping and I pick him up, he stretches really big and yawns really big, and it makes me laugh. He's got really soft fur on his tummy, too, and he lets me pet it when he does that. Awww, sappy, I know...

Rainy Day Blues

It's terribly lonely here in the daytime. Obviously Mom and Dad are working, and who knows where Bobby goes, especially on a rainy day like this when he can't stripe parking lots or anything. So it was just me and the pets...thank goodness Chip is so social and likes to cuddle, or I would be really lonely. I can't wait to be done waiting, to have a job, to move, to have something to do besides housework.

The weekend can't come soon enough. I'm going to Mitch's parents' house in Carson City, where we'll both spend the weekend and go to Dave and Mariah's wedding reception on Sunday. I'm tempted to go up to Cadillac for the week, but there's nothing to do there, either, if I'm not interviewing or apartment/house hunting. I'ms just BORED. And LONESOME. The public library is my best friend at the moment...I'm checking out books and reading them like a crazy person.

I need a project. I'll finish my scrapbook tomorrow, maybe get some good paper and do the wedding announcements. I could probably figure out what I need for the programs and get some of it from Hollander's in Ann Arbor, but other stuff I need to get in Alma at the scrapbooking store. The owner is nice and I think he'll order stuff in bulk for me. OK, enough of this, it's dinnertime!

So I planned to write a lot last night, but I got distracted by my kitten, Chip. Remember that wierd character in American Beauty who was obsessed with the plastic bag? Well, Chip found a Meijer bag and played with it for a good half an hour...there's something really entertaining about a kitty pouncing on a bag, getting stuck, and dragging it around the room! He's really cute and sweet, so I thought I should play with him since he was home all day by himself.

Anyway, I think I can remember what I was going to talk about. Basically, I have been turning over the Cadillac vs. TC debate in my head since I got that email from the hospital, and it's driving me nuts! But, while I was laying in bed last night, I found some peace. I realized that I shouldn't look at this as a decision, persay. If I had to opportunity to take either job (which at this point I don't because I haven't heard from Cadillac) then I just have to find God's path for me. Kind of takes some weight off my shoulders, knowing that I can trust God to show me where I should go. In a way I can see him working even as I semi-agonize over this. I was so enthusiastic about this TC job; I was ready to take it and make it fit into my life, Mitch's life, and our life together. I really didn't look at anything except the job itself, but now, since I have more time than they led me to believe at first, I am looking at other things. Like being a part of a community, how much time Mitch and I would get to spend together, the values and goals of the organization, etc. etc. So, even though I was frustrated when TC called and said they wouldn't know for sure until August 3, I now see that as a positive thing because I have time to consider the alternatives.

It's kind of hard to explain the things that go through my mind, especially about God and religion since I feel relatively new to the faith that is growing inside me. There's a song, though, by a band called Ten Shekel Shirt (What is a shekel? Can anyone tell me?) that pretty much describes the way that I feel, both now and when I look back on my life before this past year:

As a child I remember things that just can't be explained away,
On the journey here unseen things seem to appear.

Maybe I have always known You,
I just didn't know it,
I have always wondered,
Why the wind seemed to call to me.

All my life,
And in fine form tonight,
Your love's been near,
Like a whisper loud and clear.

The silence may not cry out with sound, but,
It speaks Your name, Your names
And the dreaming of a better place, it rests deep in me,
You'd think this was meant to be.

Maybe I have always known You,
I just didn't know it,
I have always wanted all that you want for me.

Maybe I have always known You,
I just didn't know it,
I have always wanted,
Wanted you more than anything.

I remember feeling these pulls, every once in awhile, so powerful and strong yet quieter than the softest whisper. Once I was driving and I got this feeling telling me there was something else out there. I felt like I should just keep driving and driving and I would find it. That’s how it happened mostly, an urge to physically go somewhere far away and find something. Another time I was standing on the shores of Lake Michigan, and it was cool and gray, and I was there with someone who could stand right next to me yet still make me feel all alone. I felt this tug again and I wondered what it would feel like to start walking into the water, letting the waves that lapped at my toes curl around my ankles, knees, waist, until I was swimming farther and farther. I would find something, I was sure of it.

Other times, I would be outside in the woods, hearing the wind whisper through the trees. I would close my eyes and feel like I was a part of the wind, moving freely; and I never wanted to open my eyes because I would lose what I had been seeking. I couldn’t hold on to it and something inside me would ache because I still hadn’t found that “something else.” Well, over the past year, I've found "something else" and I'm trying to hold onto it for all I'm worth.

I've been having a very nice weekend with Mitch, despite the fact that my eyes are driving me crazy. Mitch calls it "the goopey eye" and I hope he doesn't get it, but Mom is sending him home with drops in case he does. As another strange part of this virus, Bobby is getting strep throat. How nice. Thanks Court! Just kidding, we all still love you. Wonder if anyone else who went to Jon's got sick...

I keep thinking about this job thing, even though I don't even know for sure if Cadillac is going to call me back for another interview. I can't figure out, if I think the job in TC is so perfect, why I am considering the Cadillac job. I can't get it out of my head. Grant writing does not seem like a particularly exciting career, but something still draws me there. Maybe it is the community, because I have felt such a sense of welcome there. I don't know. More on this dilemma later, it's time to go pay attention to my wonderful fiance!

Numero Uno

So after reading all Tim's postings, I thought I should give this a try.  I'm not sure who would be interested in reading about what I am doing/thinking, but I've failed miserably at keeping a traditional journal, so maybe this will work out better.  Funny, I remember being in middle school and going to great lengths to keep my journal hidden so no one would find it, and here I am posting the same stuff on the Internet!  Of course, in middle school it was all, so-and-so's sooo cute, I hope he likes me.  Maybe I should get my friends to find out if he likes me!  Well since I'm getting married in four months, I suppose I don't need to worry about that anymore!

On to current things, my life is really not very exciting right now.  Anyone reading this is probably aware that I'm living at home with my parents and looking for a job in Northern Michigan.  My two most promising prospects are (1) a grant writer position with Mercy Hospital in Cadillac and (2) assistant to the vice president at the Traverse City Chamber of Commerce.  I've interviewed for both, multiple times, and I know they want to hire me in TC; they just have to get approval from the board to add the position into this year's budget.  That job would be really fun, since I would be doing a lot of events planning and communications...and in the other corner, Cadillac.  I should be hearing from them next week as to whether or not I am one of the final two candidates to come in for a panel interview.  I think I might have a shot, because after emailing the fund development guy who has been interviewing the others and me, he wrote back and said he was glad I was still interested and he looked forward to talking to me next week.  Is that just a courtesy email, or does that sound like, "You're probably coming back to see me?"

So, I may have a decision to make sometime in the near future.  TC will be telling me yea or nay on August 3...I really don't know what to hope for, because there are pros and cons for each job.  But, as my conversation with Tim brought out, I don't have to worry about it yet! 

On a more current note, Mitch is on his way to see me!  I got to see him during the week at his brother Dave's wedding and he also came to visit last weekend.  Can you give someone pink eye by kissing them?  Because I seem to have contracted it just from casual contact with Courtney a few weekends ago, and I'm hoping I don't give it to Mitch (or the rest of my family who has to live with me).

OK, Mom really wants me to come take care of my laundry in the kitchen, so I should get going.  I think we are going to Mark and Susan's for a picnic-type party in a little bit...kind of an adult thing but Quinn will be there and there will also be food, so I think I'll go hang out for a bit.  Mmm, food...