Just lettin' it out...

Let me tell you what I know:

I know God has a plan for me, and I know this is all part of it.
I know He wants me to have faith in Him and turn to Him, always.
I know we're blessed that Mitch has work, even if it's temporary and out-of-town.
I know we are blessed with love and family and health and countless other things.
I know it's abhorrently self-pitying and pointless to cast blame for our situation.
I know life's not fair, nor is it easy.
I know we are better off than many, many people right now.
I know there are all sorts of folks who will do everything right but will still struggle longer and harder than we will.
I know we'll get through this.

But you know what? Here's how I feel in my current over-emotional state:

I’m tired of pretending I care about anything but bringing him home to me. Everything else I do is just a way of distracting myself from the fact that he’s gone. Work, school, chores, riding…I do it all wishing something would consume me but failing to lose myself in anything. I pretend everything’s fine when he calls, because it doesn’t do either one of us any good to spend our infrequent interactions bemoaning the situation. I pretend everything’s fine when he’s home, but I’m really unreasonably angry at him for having left in the first place. I don’t want him to sit at home without a job, but I don’t want a job to take him away from home, either.

Damn this crappy economy. Damn all you irresponsible decision-makers – political, corporate and individual – for making honest, hardworking, responsible people pay the price for your short-term thinking and lack of accountability. Damn the unfairness of it.