A Major Decision

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately (yeah, like that’s news) and most of it had to do with my job, Mitch’s job and our future. Let’s try to work out the progression here. Last week Mitch got sent to Traverse City to “get more experience” in one of their branches. Well, he hated it. He did less there than he did in Cadillac, had less responsibility and basically spent most of the week working in the teller line. Now, he’s been performing all the duties of an office manager at the Cadillac office but has not actually received the promotion yet, which was starting to grate on him a bit. They’ve been telling him for months that he would be the new office manager, they wanted to transition him in, blah blah blah, but they’ve been in no hurry to do so. As this is brewing, he has that crappy week in Traverse and kind of gets a taste of what it’s like for me to really not like my job. Those two factors also kind of crack his commitment to Cadillac; when he started, he felt they were really committed to moving him up, etc., but with all the stalling, his sense of loyalty to them is weakening.

Now right about this time, the thought pops into my head that when my cousin Rosie gets her new job, I should apply for her old one, which is the marketing director at the Ann Arbor Art Center. I interned there a few summers ago and the president loved me, so I think I’d have a good shot getting it, with all my experience. Problem: it’s Ann Arbor and Mitch would have to get a new job, too, even though it would probably still be with Fifth Third. Encouragement: Mitch had already been scooping out other 5/3 opportunities after being a bit unhappy about his current situation. I kind of let it stew in my brain for awhile. In fact, I let it stew all weekend (while I was in Indiana) and when I came home, we sat down after dinner and talked about it.

At this point, I kind of knew I wanted to go home. Though Mitch is my best friend, I was lonely for my family, missing my friends and discouraged about meeting new ones here. But I didn’t want to come on really strong and pressure him or manipulate him into getting what I wanted, so we started talking about what we liked about living up here. We were both enthusiastic about all the outdoor recreation – mountain biking, lake, skiing – but I pointed out, and Mitch agreed, that we could have that if we were back down where my parents lived. Skiing not so much, but we’re traveling every weekend as it is. How bad would it be to go up North for a few weekends for some skiing? Plus we could climb more. So that took care of recreation and kind of showed us clearly that, though the natural atmosphere up here was a perk, it was not really enough to base our future plans on.

Next came the whole people thing. We talked about how we know our friends, even those who have graduated and settled down, will be scattered all over the place. But it’s pretty unlikely that they’ll scatter up here, unfortunately. We’ve also discovered that the opportunities to meet people our age here are very, very slim because there are no young people in Cadillac! And those that are here never really left, so we’re pretty different from them, especially in likes and dislikes. They also have their own group of friends already. What kind of surprised me was the fact that I work with a girl who graduated a year ahead of me and moved up here without knowing anyone, too, yet she hasn't made any effort to introduce me to any of the people she hangs out with or help us get used to the area. But that's just a little tangent.

Of course, we discussed the fact that job opportunities are really scarce up in this area, too. In fact, we talked about a lot more things and in the end, we pretty much decided that if I got a job in the Ann Arbor area (we don't want to go east of Novi, because that equals city which equals pretty much horrible) or thereabouts, we would go. I've already applied for two jobs (one at Borders corporate office and one at the Chamber) and will spend my days off next week doing hardcore research. It's more time consuming than looking in GR or TC because I had already identified companies, etc. when I was doing my fresh-out-of-college job search, but at least I know where to start.

So that's the plan for us. Let's see how it unfolds.

Kentuckiana

First of all, thanks to those of you who commented on my last post. It’s always really good to hear when people are feeling similar ways or have a different perspective on the situation.

And speaking of friends, I took a nice mini road trip with Adrienne and her boyfriend, Kyle, last weekend. I left Cadillac on Thursday after work, some frantic brownie-making and a meeting at the United Way, and headed down to Grand Rapids. Instead of going right to Adrienne’s, I dropped my car off at Bobby’s and got some dinner with him before heading down to Higher Ground for some badass climbing. Now, I don’t know if anyone reading this has ever been there, but Mitch and I fell in love with the place on Valentine’s Day 2004 when we joined AC3 for a climbing comp down there. There are three sweet rooms: one with some top roping and the other two strictly for bouldering. There are overhangs and features and all sorts of craziness, all packed into a pretty sketchy warehouse. The atmosphere at the comp was, of course, awesome, but it was just as good this time, just on a smaller scale. Miriam’s brother, Jesse, was working, and we convinced Miriam and her other brother to come down and climb with us. Anyway, we bouldered for about three hours, all the way ‘til close. Everyone else there was so friendly…such a contrast to Planet Rock in Ann Arbor, where you other climbers barely acknowledge your existence. At one point, everyone in the place was packed in the back room watching each other work on about three different routes. It was so much fun, but I killed my fingers, forearms, shoulders…you name it, it was sore! My fingers were so swollen I could barely put my rings on when we were done!

Now after climbing, I was somehow supposed to meet up with Jenn to get together for coffee or something, but the late climbing plus my lack of a car plus my brother’s desire to go party-hardy with his buddies meant that wouldn’t really work out. I did, however, go with Miriam and Jesse to a bar to meet Adrienne and her roommates who were out celebrating a birthday. All in all, the evening worked out well and I work up the next morning ready for more adventure. We drove about five and a half hours down to Nate and Amanda’s and as soon as we got there, they took us to this park in Louisville right along the river. It was kind of strange because there were roads and bridges and skyscrapers all around us, but we had fun throwing the Frisbee around. It made me miss my brief days on Ultimate Frisbee on the Chapel Lawn!

That night we went out to dinner at this pizza place called Wick’s, then went to an Irish pub called O’Shea’s to hear some cover band. Now, I’m not a bar person, as most of you know. I like going out every once in awhile and I like to dance if it’s a dancing-type place, but otherwise, I hate the smoke and the drunks and the obvious non-accidental body contact. Ew. Anyway, to make the situation better, I called my friend Kristen who is attending seminary down there. She’s the daughter of my parents’ friends and our families always cut Christmas trees together. So she and I sat in the back of the bar for most of the night, nursing drinks and chatting about all sorts of stuff. She took off around midnight and I was more than ready to go, too, but we probably didn’t leave for another 45 minutes or so.

The next day more than made up for the bar torture. We went into Kentucky and did some hiking in a really cool park. I was just a bit bummed that we didn’t play more on our hike. It seemed like everyone else was all into “how fast can we do this” and I was like, “Oh, look at the tree that’s fallen across that ravine! Opportunity for adventure and possible injury, let’s go!” I suppose that is partly Mitch’s influence on me, but partly a carry-over from my childhood, too. Oh well, it was nice to be out of the city and breathing the fresh air. I should note that it was really warm down there, compared to up in C-Town. It was probably about 40-45 degrees on Saturday and way warmer on Sunday, but I’ll get to that in a minute.

After our hike, we made some dinner. The whole food thing was annoying almost all weekend, because it was constantly, “Well, will Laurie like that?” They all thought I was weird because my tastes are simple and meaty amongst lactose intolerant vegetarians and their trained significant others. They spent a bit too much time teasing/lecturing me about my unwillingness to “branch out” and my minimal vegetable consumption. But I didn’t starve, nor did I cave. Beef…it’s what’s for dinner! Sorry for the tangent…anyway, much to my relief, we did not go barhopping Saturday night. Instead, we played games. My first experience with Trivial Pursuit was a hugely positive one and I think I might be hooked, as long as I have a partner. We also tried out This vs. That, a group game Santa got us for Christmas. It was pretty fun and so was another one called Would You Rather. Now, I remember Would You Rather as being something we did at sleepovers in elementary school: “Would you rather kiss so-and-so or what’s-his-nuts?” “Ewwwww, I don’t know, that’s gross!” Same idea here.

Sunday was probably my favorite day of all. The sun was shining, the sky was blue and we spent a good four hours in another Louisville park and walking around town. We also went to church in the evening, a community one for younger people called Sojourn. It was pretty much like Chapel, only the music was less acoustic (the only real strike against it, as I’m still pining for good ole’ Chapel Band). Afterwards we hit up this place called Café Lou-Lou’s for dinner, where we ended up entertaining the bartender all evening. He was a pretty cool guy, gave us some breaks on drinks and even turned on The Simpson’s at 8:00 pm. Needless to say, we gave him a monstrous tip.

And that was the end of my trip. We went to bed early on Sunday, got up at the butt crack of dawn on Monday, and drove back to Michigan. I had a lot of fun but I was way glad to get home and see Mitch and Chip. Yes, I missed them both a ton! Thankfully, we have no other plans to spend extended weekends apart for a long time!

More on that...

I've gotten some interesting reactions to my previous post, so I think I'll expand on it a little bit. To do so, I'm going to use parts of a couple of emails.

From me to a good friend, in response to her comments about my post:

"Everyone has been asking about that blog entry...it's actually something I've been praying about lately. It's weird, there are people who I feel so close to because communication with them is open and two-way. Not surprisingly, those who I am closest to, for the most part, have graduated and are going through the same challenges I am, which makes us lean on each other for support. They are also the ones who are, in their own ways, more isolated from family in some instances, but from friends for sure. You guys are the people I don't lose touch with because we need each other and want to keep our friendships going, even when there's some geographic distances between us. You are also the ones, I think, who are less likely to assume a person has changed just because their situation has. Case in point: no one who's graduated has really made a big deal about the fact that Mitch and I are married now. Granted, some people have also gotten hitched, but you don't think, or don't seem to think, that just because my engagement ring has an extra band attached to it, I'm somehow different. I think that's because us grads are all going through so many changes, whether they are in locations, jobs, relationships, whatever, and that makes us more willing to see those changes as normal things that don't really alter us as people or change the essence of our friendships. For those who have not graduated, however, I think they see both Mitch and I in a different light and think that because we're married, our friendships are somehow different. Mostly I've just heard flippant remarks that may not really mean anything, but sometimes the things people say are so pointed and come out so often that there has to be something to them. Those are the misconceptions that really hurt.

The part about forgiveness kind of stemmed from a sermon I recently heard at Mitch's parents' church. The minister was talking about God's love and how it's not fair: by all rights, most of us do not deserve the love and forgiveness that God gives us. Despite of all our misdeeds, he's right there when we ask him for forgiveness, ready to love us and look beyond our past mistakes. I recently had a friend who hurt me with her indifference, retreated into a shell and really seemed to want nothing to do with me. But when the time came and she needed someone to talk to and lean on a bit, she came to me and I managed to be there for her. She's never said she was sorry, never really asked for fogiveness for pushing me out of her life, but I could feel she needed that from me anyway. I realized that, in a fair world, she would not deserve to have my support because of her past behavior. But God didn't design things to be fair...he's not fair, he's unconditional. So, if we are trying to emulate Jesus's love, we should be willing to set aside past hurts when someone comes to us. Much easier said than done, butin this case I've been able to do so, knowing full well that, when these crises pass, there's a good chance she will drift away until she needs something. That's just the way it is, and I've accepted it this time."

From good friend to me, in response to my email:

"I COMPLETELY understand. And I feel almost like I just continually try to ignore the feeling, hoping that it will someday go away. You know the whole, "someday things will be back to normal" attitude. After graduation, I felt like I lost a huge connection with friends who did not graduate, that connection being Alma and college in general. They may not voice their thoughts on how we are different, or even realize that they do feel differently, but in reality, we ARE looked at in a different light because we don't share the one thing that brought us all together. Granted, I know some of my deepest relationships I formed at Alma with people younger than I will last, but it is a struggle to understand and accept that it is different. And although people may say things that are a tad offensive and kind of hurtful, deep down we have to remember that they are probably struggling, too... struggling with the fact that one of their closest friends has moved on to the "real world", and that soon enough, they will too. I think my its hard for us to find commonalities with people who are still living in the bubble... and yet, despite the lack of effort from some, we still try.

I've also come to realize just how important the friendships I have with others who graduated with or before me are. I mean I have learned to appreciate the emails, the random phone calls, the lunches when a friend is "in the area." I think they are nice little reminders that life isn't about always having the ones you love so close in proximity, but rather close in your heart, and treasuring the times you DO have with them."

So there you go...and by the way, to the person who sent me that email, if you'd rather not have it up here, just let me know and I'll pull it off my blog. I just thought you did a really good job expressing what I've been feeling lately.

So let's see what you all think.

I'm starting to learn. I'm learning that even if friends push me away, shove me out, stop including me in their lives, I can still remain open and available when times get tough. I'm learning I can let go of grudges and past hurts and I've found that doesn't make me weak or a pushover. I've found friends ask for forgiveness in many different ways and the only way to give it is by doing so beforehand, because I'd probably never recognize the request at the time. But I've learned that the pinpricks of misconception can become a festering sore and I haven't learned how to completely heal it, yet.

I'm learning just a few experiences can define how I feel about people, gauge how I will know them for years to come. A spontaneous activity, a disagreement resolved, an unforgettable conversation. a hug in the midst of crisis, a kiss on the cheek on a joyful day. An offer to help, a willingness to pitch in when called upon, a peal of laughter, an unexpected phone call, an expression of encouragement. These things bond me to people, to friends and acquaintances, to those in my life forever and those in my life for just a short time. I'm learning - learning slowly, but learning all the same.

A Day in the Life

Today has been a very full day so far. I left for Traverse City at 7:30 am for an 8:45 am hair appointment. Why would I drive over an hour just to get my haircut? The answer is simple: she-mullets. There are too many horrific haircuts walking around Cadillac to take a chance on one of these little shops, so I bit the bullet and made an appointment at a true salon/spa, as recommended by a stylish family friend in TC. Anyway, within about 10 minutes of my drive, I realized my washer fluid was not coming out of its squirters like it should, so I stopped at a gas station to check out the situation. I didn't really have time to do much except see if there was any snow or ice clogging them, so I just kinda washed off my windshield (it was one of those drives where you're washing your windshield about every 5 minutes, especially if you're behind someone else) and got back on the road. The hair appointment went well, I think, so we'll see if this new style suits me or not. Then I did a little shopping: picture frames for wedding pictures, a birthday present for my brother's 21st birthday, some new shoes at a store where I had a gift card and a wedding card. Then, like I do every time I get hungry in TC, I went to Big Apple Bagels for a snackeroo. Mmmm, cinnamon crumb muffin and coffee...nothing could have tasted better at that moment, except maybe a Cinnabon cinnamon roll and a mocha latte. Next time I'm at Twelve Oaks in Novi, I'm getting one of those, for sure! Anyway, after visiting PetSmart, discovering that sucker fish would eat my baby fishies and finding out that laying in a litterbox is normal, if somewhat gross, behavior for a kitten, I headed back home for a crappy drive, given that I could barely see half the time without being able to squirt off my windshield. A call to my father went: "It's probably the pump." A call to my brother went: "Check the fuse." A call to my husband went: "Come to the bank and I'll look at it." The final verdict: Mitch and Gary will be thoroughly examining the situation and probably replacing the pump this weekend.

Now I'm back home (obviously) and getting ready to put some chili on the stove and clean the apartment. Tonight we'll be skiing at Caberfae with Gary and whoever else shows up and then Gary is staying at least the night with us. On Saturday evening we have to go to Mitch's grandpa's house to have a family get-together with his aunt who is flying in from Georgia, so it should be fun to meet yet another crazy DeYoung. All right, I guess I should get going on that housework!

Cupid Strikes

Flowers from the far-away hubby = Happy Laurie
They may only be here because he felt bad about disappointing me earlier, but they are here nevertheless, with a very sweet note to accompany them. I am a very, very lucky girl.

Better

Please disregard the last post...I'm feeling better now, the pity party's over. You know how some days you are just dejected in general, often for no good reason? Well, yesterday was one of those days. But I'm better now, just slightly bored rattling around my apartment and trying to keep my butt off the couch. Or away from the computer. Guess that means this post is at an end!

:(

Whoever invented Valentine's Day sucks. It's just another chance for men to screw up and for women to be disappointed.

Single for Heart Day

Yup, some more single time! Tomorrow morning Mitch is headed to Matt's for a guys' weekend that will probably involve some poker, beer and...well, I won't speculate much more, I don't think. I kind of tried to get some girls together to even the score, but I didn't try very hard because my parents are coming up again for Bobby's last race at Crystal. It will be nice to have them up here but I'm missing my friends again.

So after the weekend, Mitch has to continue south for a bank-related class in Southfield. He'll be gone 'til Wednesday, which means we are celebrating our first married Valentine's Day apart. I'm a little bummed, but we probably wouldn't do anything really special because it's during the week. Not like last year, when we went to a climbing competition with AC3. That was probably one of my favorite Valentine's Days ever! Yeah, I know it's kind of weird to enjoy such a romantic holiday with a bunch of sweaty, swearing climbers all choking on chalk dust, but it really rocked!

Well, the morning is winding down so I better get this place clean and ready for company. I haven't told Mitch, but we're having a pseudo-Valentine's Day dinner tonight. I'm making a roast, breaking out the fine china and digging out some candles. I'll probably even put on something pretty, instead of the t-shirt I'm wearing right now. Actually, it's a darn cool t-shirt...it's green and says "My Man Mitch" on the front in big white letters. My friends from Indiana got it from the Republican candidate for governor, whose name happens to be Mitch. In fact, the back sports a web address (www.mymanmitch.com) and the tagline, "Paid for by the Mitch for Governor campaign." Cool, huh?

Work Blog

I haven’t blogged at work in a long time, because we’ve been nice and busy. And actually, I do have some work to do but my frustration level is a little too high to worry about revising my latest draft of a proposal for the free clinic. In the past two days I have definitely managed to piss off two people because I had a differing opinion from them and they are *always* right. Grrrrrs all around today. Without getting in to too much detail, one woman decided to hold her “superior” knowledge of all things business over my head and tell me that because I was “just” a business major I couldn’t possibly know anything about marketing because they were two separate things. I saw the fruitlessness of putting up any more than minimal resistance to that completely untrue fact and made a hasty exit from our meeting that was, incidentally, unrelated to my future career path. The second woman has been sitting on paperwork needed to receive grant funds from our local community foundation for 4 months, without my knowledge, and has now basically decided that because they did not give her the full amount, she isn’t going to use it at all. Double, triple, quadruple GRRRRRR! I was PISSED and tried to get her to come up with a way that she could adjust her program and do it with the money available, but she kept going on and on about how she couldn’t do ANYTHING without an assistant and that if she wasn’t going to offer them money, no students would be willing to come help her. Since the foundation doesn’t pay for wages, she’s S.O.L there, but she absolutely refuses to believe that any student would come and volunteer to help teach little kids about the dangers of smoking. HELLO, RESUME BUILDER! CONTACT-MAKING OPPORTUNITY! Far be it for me to disagree, being only a year removed from these students’ situations, correct? Anyway, I left it at, “You really need to send the paperwork up to the fund development office because we need to know what’s going on with all our grant requests,” and reported to my boss. I think he was even more pissed than me because he is very concerned about relationships in the community and is worried that (a) the fact that she doesn’t want what the community foundation has offered and (b) that she’s sat on it for so long will negatively affect our chances for more funds from them.

Phew, felt kind of good to get that out. It’s like these people have one way to do things and are not willing to try anything new or different. For pete’s freakin’ sake. OK, I’m better now. I’ll probably get all worked up again over lunch, when I relay the grant story to Mitch (he heard the business vs. marketing one as we did dishes last night) but for the moment, I’m slightly calmer.

A swingin' single weekend

Yup, I've kicked the Cadillac dust off my heels and headed home for the weekend...sans husband. I think it's funny that, now that we're married, we choose to spend more time apart. This weekend we had both planned to go to my parents' house so we could tell the wedding photographer what pictures we wanted in our album, get some computer glasses for me from my competent eye doctor (as opposed to seeking the services of the incompetent one in Cadillac), find me a dress for Mitch's sister Christa's wedding and go to my cousin's baby shower. A combination of factors made Mitch decide to skip out on accompanying me: (1) All that stuff is GIRLY; (2) My dad is going up to Cadillac to watch Bobby ski and they could do manly things, like go to the North American Snowmobile Festival, grill steaks and drink beer; and (3) If he didn't go, I could leave on Thursday after my half-day of work and spend some extra time with my family. So I set out some stuff he could make for dinner, cleaned up the apartment, did the laundry, changed the oil in his car, packed up the kitty-cat and drove home, alternating between singing country (I know, I think it the hickish-ness up there that's making me belt out, "But what was I thinking?"), listening to NPR and catching up with old friends via the miracles of cell phones. Yee-haw baby!

So starting tonight when my dad leaves, it's a girls' weekend! Since Mom is at the gym running on the treadmill right now, I've just been enjoying a rare breakfast of grapefruit and coffee and a chance to update my blog from a nice, slow dial-up connection while my puppy dog snores on a pile of laundry and Chipper the cat snoozes in the doorway. Ahhhh, home.

Making Progress

Well, the part time life is not so bad. Since my last post, I've experienced some great things. First, when I knew I was going to have more time on my hands, I contacted the united Way in Cadillac and offered to volunteer for them and help with marketing. I'm working with the executive director to create a communications plan, which many of you may think sounds kind of dull. I, however, love it and can't wait 'til I can find someone to pay me to do that kind of work! I'm also getting more proficient at this "networking" thing and accompanied a friend of my father's to a United Way meeting in Traverse City. Turns out he was asked to be on one of the allocations panels and pulled some strings to get me invited to participate as a non-voting member. Also turns out that the VP at the Traverse City Chamber of Commerce is on the same panel, so I will be able to keep strengthening that connection.

All this is well and good, but what about the fact that I am only making half as much money as before? Well, aside from making a more conscious effort to stay on budget, I also signed up to be a substitute teacher. If they ever actually call me, I should be able to make some extra dough. But yes, I'm also looking for a "real" job. I had an interview with a management consulting company in Traverse City called Dewar Sloan and though it went well, it doesn't seem to be the right fit for me. I already took a job when I was a little less than enthusiastic about the day-to-day functions of the position and I don't want to do it again. I know what I want and I want to find it - or I at least want to find something else that strongly appeals to me, if that makes any sense. And I do have a possibility, which may have something to do with my reluctance to accept anything that may be offered by Dewar Sloan. The United Way in Grand Rapids is hiring a senior marketing associate and I'm sending my application in today. Now, some of you may be thinking, "Isn't GR a long way from Cadillac?" Yes, it is. But Mitch and I have discussed it extensively, as a good married couple should, and we agreed that we can clear the hurdles that would be necessary should I take a job down there. Mainly, it would involve moving, using the crock pot for dinner more and having Mitch inquire about transferring within six months to a year.

Frankly, as much as I want this job, I'm having trouble asking Mitch to shake up his great situation so I can have a new job. Putting myself in his position, I think I would feel a little resentful and he's admitted that there may be trace amounts floating around. But I believe him when he says he wants me to be happy and that making me happy will make him happy. I know we need to consider the future implications of our actions but I think we need to not get too far ahead of ourselves. At this point, I think it's anough that we have identified some possible challenges and committed ourselves to overcoming them should they present themselves.

On another note, I want to say to many people (you know who you are) that I'm so glad we have stayed in contact since graduation. To those of you who are making your way through the post-Alma challenges, I'm so glad we are able to do so together, even if "together" only means that we read each others blogs and emails and are reassured that others are experiencing the same things. To those of you still in school, thanks for not forgetting about us! Every day I miss college less and less but you are all never far from my thoughts and prayers. Yes, I know that was very sappy, but I want to make sure you all know how important you are to me.

And with that, I'll sign off for today.

New situation

You’re going to read the following statement and you are going to think it’s bad news, but really, it’s got more silver linings than anything else. As of next week, I’m only working part time at the hospital. We’re in a poor financial situation (which, by the way, is kind of interesting because when I was hired a mere six months ago, everything was downright peachy) so they had to make a bunch of adjustments. Four people got laid off and almost everyone had some sort of hour reduction, pay cut or added responsibility. Since I’ve felt for some time that my position should have been part time in the first place, and since I was kind of prepared for this, I was not really upset when my boss called me into his office to tell me. The conversation basically consisted of him telling me, apologizing, and telling me how bad he felt, and me reassuring him that it was fine, that I understood and that I really was OK with it. He said I handled it well and that he was prepared for every reaction except the calmness I displayed. So you’re thinking, where are the silver linings? Less money, how is this good? Read on, my friend.

Silver Lining #1
This gives me more time to job search and make connections by volunteering. You know I’ve been dissatisfied and on the look out for some time, but I can really concentrate my efforts now. I will have more time to schedule interviews and can be more flexible.

Silver Lining #2
It will be WAY easier to tell my boss when I’m leaving than it would otherwise. Even though I have been unhappy here, the people are great and I was kind of dreading the day I had to tell Bryan I was taking a new job. I also felt a little sneaky about it. Today, however, he encouraged me to use him as a reference (though he said he really doesn’t want to lose me as an employee) and said he would write me a great letter of recommendation. So that’s a bonus.

Silver Lining #3
I will probably be more productive at work being on a limited schedule. Those of you who remember my crazy college schedule, especially senior year, can attest to the fact that I was happiest when busy and accomplished the most if I had more to do than I should have technically had time for. How else can you explain the ability to plan Climbing Club kids’ classes, Homecoming activities, SIFE marketing materials and events, a senior thesis, the dreadful Global Business course, etc. etc. all at the same time?

Silver Lining #4
I’ll be forced to apply for a wider range of positions than I would have otherwise. For example, I found an ad for an office manager at a title company last week, which I’ll probably apply for. I didn’t even know what a title company did until my cousin explained his job to me over Christmas. I’m organized…maybe I’ll like a job like that. Anyway, the main point is that I might find something I really like that I’d never even considered before, or I could at least learn something new by interviewing at different places.

Silver Lining #5
I’ll stop feeling guilty for not having enough to do at work! It was kind of nice to get paid for planning Mom’s surprise birthday road rally and the majority of my wedding, but really, that’s not exactly right.

There may be more that come up, and I’m sure over the next few weeks and months, there will be times when the negative of not having as much money as before will pop up and stress me out. But I was strong through one of the hard parts, which was getting the news. I know that strength does not come from within me but rather from God and I also know that I can rise to this challenge because he is standing by my side, as always. I know I need to keep that outlook no matter how frustrating things get, and I will try my hardest. I’m so thankful for a supportive husband and whole crew of family and friends who will be keeping their eyes open for me. (You’ll keep your eyes open for me, won’t you?)

Skiing party on the horizon

Well, it’s Friday and I’m at work, wishing the time would just go faster! Once again, I have found myself with nothing to do for almost an entire afternoon. I’m feeling very guilty about it but there’s really nothing I can do. I would go visit one of my coworkers but they are probably busy and chats have been “discouraged” as of late. So I’ll try to while away just under an hour blogging.

Last night Mitch and I went skiing at Caberfae because we got a ton of snow Wednesday night and Thursday during the day. It was crazy out there…first of all, skiing in powder, especially the kind that tends to chunk up like last night’s, is way different than taking on the groomed runs of manufactured snow/ice. Thanks to my single year as a high school ski racer and the influence of my brother, I enjoy skiing “racer style,” with big, sweeping turns, graceful transitions from edge to edge and a ton of speed. Last night, the snow said, “I don’t think so, wannabe.” I definitely went back to the short, choppy turns of old, trying to keep one ski or another from getting caught under the piles of snow that made every run look like an emerging mogul field. I never truly fell, but I ended up backwards a few times and off balance quite a bit. And I got a great workout! After every run, even as short as they are at Caberfae, my quads were feeling the burn and I was breathing a bit hard. Granted, a few seconds sitting on the chairlift made both signs of exertion disappear, but I still think I got something out of it besides just an awesome time.

I like skiing with Mitch, even if he is a snowboarder! We are working to change that, though. For the past two Christmases, Mom and Bobby have been buying him skier gear – Swix and Spyder hats and a half-zip shirt, mainly – so now he’s got this “cross-between-‘em” look going on. This year, he finally admitted the twisting motions associated with snowboarding are starting to hurt his knees, so we are going to spend the next week accumulating ski gear for him. Bobby has an old pair of Rossignol Rascals at home that we can use, and he’s going to pick up a pair of bindings for them. We’re going to see if Mitch can fit into Bobby’s old ski boots but if not we’ll be dropping some cash on those as well. By the time Bobby comes up next weekend, he can mount the bindings and Mitch will be a two-planker-wanker.

Speaking of next weekend…I’m pumped to be able to report that it’s going to be an awesome party! Here’s the thing: Alma’s Adventure Club, under the insistence of me, Mitch and some other dedicated skiers, got into the habit of taking advantage of Caberfae’s student rates on Friday night. So I thought, let’s invite some of our friends to come and stay after a night on the slopes and we’ll make a weekend out of it, a la Jon Davenport on a smaller scale. I had no specific date in mind until Bobby decided to skip out on a long drive to Mt. Ripley for a college race and come to Cadillac instead next weekend. Oh yeah, perfect opportunity! Bobby gets along awesome with our friends so I started inviting. So far it’s Matt, Gary, Pete, Roberta, Kristy and possibly her brother. I am still waiting to hear from some people, and Jon will also be up at his place, so I’m sure we’ll all hang out at one point, for sure Friday night at the mountain. It’ll be a tight fit in our apartment but I’m sure we can manage, especially now that the Christmas tree is not taking up a ton of room anymore. When Adrienne and co. were here, that thing was kind of in the way. We broke the rules by having a real Christmas tree and I’m glad we did, but I sure was happy to get it taken down. It was a Scotch Pine, very pokey, very sappy. Enough with that, I’m getting a good old Douglas or Concolor Fir next year!

Hey, I think I just found something to do. We have to take these courses online here at the hospital and the new ones for 2005 just got put up. I think I’ll work on those for the last half our or so. Maybe I’ll be back to blogging, but maybe not. Eh.

The Christmas-New Years-Back to Work-Blog

It’s the start of a brand new year and I do have some resolutions, but I’ll keep some of them to myself. For starters, though, I resolve to keep a positive, open-minded attitude while searching for a new job. It is disheartening sometimes; after all, I had a whole week off work to job search, yet I didn’t find anything until Sunday evening. As Mitch pointed out, no one wanted to hire in December with the holidays, but hopefully things will pick up. I am a bit nervous, though, that I won’t be able to find anything up here. Most of me really wants to find something here so we can keep trying to make a go of this up North thing, but part of me sees a benefit in looking elsewhere. There are more options, for one thing, in Grand Rapids and even down by my parents. Yes, I know I have been saying for years that I do not want to live there: too much urban sprawl, not enough open space, can’t see the stars at night, etc. But part of me, kind of a significant part of me, wants to be closer to the people I love. I miss my family most of all…they are stable and are not going anywhere for awhile. I miss my friends, most of whom are either in their first jobs, which many say are dissatisfying like mine, out of the state/country (you know who you are!) or still in school with no solid plans of settling anywhere. I guess what this all boils down to is wherever I am, I’m going to be missing someone, particularly those of you who are globe-trotters. But here, it seems like I miss everyone because there’s no one here. For practical reasons, though, moving would not be a good option I guess. Mitch enjoys his job and is still in training, so I don’t think they’d be too happy about trying to relocate him in another branch. I would feel bad about uprooting him just for the sake of my own career, but I think he would move if I couldn’t find anything up here within a decent amount of time.

Let’s move on to something more pleasant – Christmas! Mitch and I drove down to my parents’ house on Friday after he got out of work, dropped of Chip and went to my cousin Rosie’s house in Livonia. She and her husband, Chad, just bought the small brick house about a year ago and have been doing a ton of work to it, so it looks great. It was, however, a little small for a group of 27-odd loud, rowdy McGraths. First excitement of the evening: my Uncle John Ravida goaded my 20 year old brother into having a beer, which was uncomfortable for him to be doing in front of my parents, but all right in the end. Second excitement of the evening: my father cornered my cousin Joe in a spare bedroom and sat him down for a “talk” about whether or not he was stoned at my wedding (Cousin Joe has a history of drug abuse and trouble with the law) and about the importance of staying clean since he now has a wife and a baby on the way. My Aunt Mary, Uncle Chris and Mitch were all stationed in the hallway timing the event – it went over 20 minutes – and reminiscing about my little cousin Dayna’s “talks” with my dad when she would throw temper tantrums. Apparently Aunt Mary still uses the threat and it works. Anyway, when we got home, Dad said the conversation went well, that Joe was not stoned at my wedding and that he admitted he had done some bad things but really wanted to change now. Third excitement of the evening: someone forgot to buy my cousin Dan a Christmas present. We draw names because there are so many of us, but somewhere in there he got lost. I would have liked to be him, though; he made out like a bandit with some ski clothing and $50 from various people who felt bad about him getting skipped. Fourth excitement of the evening: when we got home, we discovered a rather plentiful smattering of blood on the wall in the hallway, right about doggy-nose level. Turns out the dog my parents were watching, an energetic black lab named Casey, probably antagonized young Chipper a little too much, resulting in a swipe of the claws across her nose. For the rest of the evening, they were very wary of each other, but it got a lot better over the rest of the weekend.

On Christmas morning, we woke up and did the traditional present-opening, complete with a tray of Christmas cookies (since Santa no longer gets them, I guess we eat his share before breakfast) and Christmas music. My mom, as usual, hits the stores with a vengeance and got us all some Spyder gear for skiing along with the traditional Christmas ornaments and calendars. She also got us clothes (Express for me, Marshall Fields for the boys) and got Mitch and me each a Camelback for mountain biking and other adventurous pursuits. One of my favorite gifts, though, was this year’s Santabear, who is a ski patroller complete with a Saint Bernard puppy. When I was in eighth grade, all I wanted form my little boyfriend was a Santabear, and he dragged his mom all over southeastern Michigan to find one a few days before Christmas. Can you tell I’ve always loved those fuzzy white bears?

Here’s a side note about gifts: I felt a little guilty getting so much for Christmas. After all, Mitch and I have been opening gifts for at least two months, with all the showers and then the wedding. We got so many wonderful things, more than we need. I just keep thinking about one of the songs on the new Caedmon’s Call CD, with a lyric that goes, “But the TV’s always on and the phone it won’t stop ringing, and these bills they keep on screaming, to pay for all the things that I never really needed.” I have so much that I don’t really need (I like and appreciate everything, though!) and there are people who barely have the things they absolutely need. I don’t believe we have a legal obligation to make everything equal in society – hence the Republican voting tendencies – but I believe we have a moral obligation to help those in need. Does that make any sense?

Back to the Christmas narrative, we spent the rest of the morning eating a wonderful breakfast and cleaning up in preparation for another day of festivities. This time it was my dad’s side of the family – a calmer, quieter, significantly smaller set. The best part about this get-together was that my older cousins, Todd and Ryan, were home from Arizona for the holiday. They are both in the mortgage business so Mitch spent quite a bit of time talking finance with them. I spent a lot of time sitting there, trying to decide if it was better to a) continue nodding absently; b) join my dad and Uncle Beau in a discussion about beer; or c) help my mom and Aunt Linda with the dishes. I’m ashamed to say I continued my absent-minded nodding while letting my mind wander to other things.

After the Eccles crew departed, Aunt Mary and Dayna showed up with more gifts. I should explain the special bond we have with them: my Uncle David died when I was in seventh grade, about a year after they had Dayna. We’ve always been close to them, but since his death, we’ve played a huge role in their lives. We watch Dayna when Aunt Mary goes on vacation and my dad fixes, builds and hangs things and does whatever else needs to be done around the house. Because of this, I think, they always bring us gifts aside from the big family celebration. We always get Dayna a gift, too, but everyone in the family does because she is the baby and the light of all our lives, I think. Anyway, they hung out for awhile before heading home and we called it quits around 11:30 pm.

On Sunday, Mitch and I left earlier to meet Matt in Lansing for lunch. When we were at Alma, we always made an effort to go out to dinner together to celebrate the holidays with all our friends, but this year it just didn’t work out. They planned a New Years Eve party, which we couldn’t attend, so we thought we’d at least see a few people the day after Christmas. It ended up just being Matt, because Sumit was sick. I was bummed that we didn’t get to see Sumit because he is going to med school in Dominica so we never get to see him, but we are trying to make plans for another time. Anyway, lunch was great and we even stopped at Alma on the way home to see the new dorm they are building. It looks great but kind of out of place amidst the older buildings.

Yes, I still miss Alma. I hear Shaking Tree music and miss climbing. I think about finding the job of my dreams and miss SIFE. I smelled spring the other day, when all our snow melted, and I missed walking around campus. We talk about camping and I miss the Adventure Club. I look around my apartment and I miss the simplicity of a tiny single in Bruske. I go to a new church and miss chapel probably more than anything. But then I look at my husband and I love that we are together in a way we’ve never been before. I hear about my friends’ new jobs and accomplishments and I know we will change the world, maybe just in small ways, but change it we will.

OK, sorry for the tangent. Those are probably more interesting then the narrative, though. Anyway, on Monday I called Mitch in “sick” because he hadn’t used any sick days and we wanted to go to Traverse and trade our Best Buy gift cards for a new surround sound system. On the way, we dropped off my skis so I could get my new bindings from Mitch mounted in anticipation of some skiing later that week. It was a successful afternoon of shopping and we even got everything all hooked up by dinnertime. On Tuesday I ran a bunch of errands, cleaned, unpacked, etc. etc. and found out that we would have company for dinner on Tuesday! Yay, Jeff, Carla, Minda, Derek and the kids would all be descending upon our apartment on Wednesday! I spent most of that day cooking and cleaning and looking forward to having people there, and the evening was everything I hoped. Next time, though, I hope I remember the potential consequences of having Italian food with three children under the age of four!

Thursday was great and disappointing. Great because Adrienne, her boyfriend Kyle, Amanda’s husband Nate’s sister Danielle and Danielle’s boyfriend Adam all came up to go skiing. Disappointing because the weather was rainy and warm and we didn’t ski. Great because I got more picture frames from Pier 1 and sour gummy worms from Target. Disappointing because the movie we saw, “Closer,” sucked and I think I was the only one who hated it with a burning passion. Great because I got to have dinner company again. Disappointing because the first batch of chili burned in the crock-pot while we were in Traverse City. Great because everyone loved Chip. Disappointing because no one wanted to watch “Aspen Extreme.” Great because my best friend was there. Disappointing because sometimes I feel more like myself around friends Mitch and I have made together, like all the ones from Alma.

New Years Eve brought a virtual heat wave…it was so warm I grabbed my bike as soon as my friends left and headed out for a nice ride around the lake. Let me tell you, the wind was blowing right in my face as I rode south! It was super strong and almost blew me right off the path and into the lake! But when I turned the corner and started heading back north, it was one of the fastest rides of my life. Exhilarating. Probably the only description. Anyway, when I got home I discovered that our wedding pictures were online, so for anyone who wants to see them, go to www.pictage.com, make a username and password and search for “Eccles.” So after I browsed through the pics, took and shower, packed and cleaned up the apartment, I took off for Big Rapids where I met Mitch at work, parked my car in a safe spot and headed to his parents’ house for the family Christmas celebration. I was bummed that we wouldn’t be able to go to Matt’s for New Years with the Alma crew, but it turned out to be a really fun evening. We all got some very nice gifts, and Christa’s fiancé was definitely pumped that we bought him a blue and green hammock in Mexico. The three kiddos were fun and crazy, and after they went to bed, we all got a little crazy ourselves over a card game called Nertz and then a game of Scene It. We continued the craziness on Saturday by riding quads on Grandpa DeYoung’s property and even venturing into his dilapidated barn. Also, we got to see “Ocean’s 12” that evening in Alma…very good movie, I might add.

On Sunday we came back to Cadillac to a kitten who was oh-so-lonesome. He was such a cuddler, letting me hold him an extra long time and purring like he would never stop. I hate to leave him home alone because he’s such a social cat, but I don’t think we’ll be taking him to Mitch’s parents’ house because (1) he doesn’t get along with the cats Carla has started letting in the house again and (2) the noisy, unpredictable kiddos scare him.

So now it’s back to work, which is as dissatisfying as ever. I actually have some projects to work on but it’s hard to get motivated and actually do them because my heart is not into it. I have very few new job possibilities right now, but I am looking hard. I applied for a director of membership services position at the Chamber of Commerce in Cadillac and I plan to apply for a job at the Grand Traverse Regional Land Conservancy. Actually, I kind of just want to get in front of them, even though the position is just for a receptionist and it’s only about 30 hours a week. But, they are a neat organization and they have staff positions that appeal to me. If the Ann Arbor Art Center is any indication, nonprofits tend to turn over their staff quickly because the pay is not the best, so if I can get an interview with them and they like me but I won’t make enough at the receptionist position, maybe they will keep me in mind for future openings. That works: I applied for a job at the United Way of Muskegon County this past spring and though they didn’t hire me, they called me a month or so ago because they had a new position open and they liked me. I’m attempting to set up some volunteering with the United Way in Traverse, but nothing has come of it yet. I’m wondering how that would work with a fulltime job down in Cadillac, but we’ll see. And this week it’s time to get in contact with the Traverse City Chamber to send them an updated copy of my resume and contact information. So I guess things are progressing, slowly, but I am not the most patient person and really want something to happen soon.

The update of a lifetime

Watch out, this one is a monster! I started it before the wedding, probably Nov. 19, and finished it on Dec. 17 or thereabouts. If you wanted to know details about the wedding and the honeymoon, this is where to get them! So, let's rock and roll!

Nov. 17

In one week I’m getting married. What a statement. It’s becoming kind of real at this point because I have the marriage license, I’ve put in to change my name at work, I’ve done the paperwork to add Mitch to my benefits, and he’s slowly but surely moving in to my apartment. All the parents plus Adrienne will be up this weekend to help haul boxes and take home what we can’t fit, which I’m looking forward to more than anything at this point. Because we don’t know anyone, we never have company, so this is a chance for me to use more than just the top two dinner plates in the stack and more than just the two front and center glasses. After all, we registered for gifts with our families in mind – will we have enough dishes when Mitch’s brother, sisters, and parents come up to visit? Being in a small apartment, I doubt that large of a crowd will descend upon us any time soon, but it’s always good to be prepared, right?

This is dorky, but I’ve had fun planning the menu for the weekend. It’s just Mitch and I for dinner this evening, but tomorrow I’m going to make spaghetti for everyone and after dinner we’ll break out the fondue set Carla gave us as a shower gift. I’m super excited…I just have a few more things to get at the grocery store after work and then I’ll be all set. Actually, I have quite a bit to get done before everyone shows up. I have to go to the bank to deposit my paycheck and get some money, then to Walmart to get sheets and pillowcases for what will become the guest bed and possibly a cabinet for our bathroom, then to Meijer for the additional food and some other necessities and finally to Rite-Aid to pick up a prescription so my hands don’t turn white when it’s cold out. Then it’s time to clean the apartment top to bottom, make some dinner for Mitch and myself and return a stack of books to the library. Adrienne will be here between 7:00 and 7:30 pm, but I’m not expecting my parents until 9:00 pm. I’m so very excited to have everyone coming to visit; I mean, Mitch and Chip are good company, but there’s only so much a guy and a kitten can really do to ease loneliness.

As I was writing this, one of my coworkers came down to chat. The whole department, all four of us, went out for lunch to celebrate the upcoming wedding, but little did I know they had another surprise for me. Anyway, we were sitting around and her beeper went off, so she checked it and said, “Oh, they’re ready for us to come down and stuff envelopes.” We had talked about a mailing that had to go out today and I offered to help get it ready, so I was like, “OK,” and was relieved that I might have something to take up at least a few minutes of the day. So we start walking down to their offices and we go to one of the meeting rooms instead because she says we’re going to work in there. Well, the room was filled with other people from our floor and some from administration, and there was a cake, a balloon and some cards for me! “Surprise!” yells everyone and I’m just blown away. Turns out my boss and his daughters made the cake for me, which looked like a mini tiered wedding cake. Him and the other girls from the department also got Mitch and me a $60 gift card to Moosejaw…how nice! So we got to sit around, eating and chatting. I really do work with some great people and sometimes that makes me feel bad about wanting to leave so badly. I’m pretty sure I will never again have a boss who will bake me a cake, at least not one this intricate and creative, or coworkers who are as fun as Shannon and Lauren, but this job really just is not for me. Still, at least I work with great people so it’s not horrible to come into work every day.

****

Sometime after the wedding and hoenymoon

On my wedding day, I woke up determined to have both a normal day and a special day. Normal because I wasn’t going to get all crazy or emotional, special because I wanted to have a wonderful day full of special memories to cherish forever. And I got my wish, a million times over.

Some funny things happened along the way. I left my engagement ring at the nail salon after my manicure, but that was OK because Carla (Mitch’s mom) and Minda (his oldest sister) were still there and picked it up for me when I called them. The luggage for our honeymoon would not fit in the trunk of the Thunderbird Mitch and I rented to drive from the church to the hall and the hall to the airport, so we had to take my parents’ Explorer to the airport instead. I forgot to paint my toenails, so right before the ceremony, Aunt Mary ran to the nearest drugstore and Amanda painted my toenails at the church. Dad brought his Billy Bob teeth and wore them around before the ceremony, even for some pictures. And Weston ripped off his boutonnière right before it was time for him to walk down the aisle with Anya. I look back on all of those things with joy because they gave the day character!

There were so many precious moments that night, too. Adrienne’s kiss on the cheek right before we started the processional. Walking proudly down the aisle with my dad. Seeing Mitch’s smile, looking into his eyes without saying a word for the longest time. Listening to Marc play, making our vows, kissing the sweetest kiss there ever was.

At the reception, we had the best time. Of course I’ll never forget our first dance and the way we mixed it up by randomly switching partners near the end, or dancing with my dad, but some of the unexpected moments were even sweeter. One thing I’ll never forget is dancing to Garth Brooks’ “Friends in Low Places” with my other little brother, Pat Duncan. Ever since his dad, Dave, passed away almost two years ago, him and Bobby have not been as close as they were when they were younger. The most poignant picture I have from his funeral is Pat and Bobby hugging each other and sobbing, because in a way, they had both lost a father that day. But this dance was all joy, just like houseboating in the summer or skiing in the winter. Neither of us can carry a tune in a wheel barrel, but we were both belting out the lyrics at the tops of our lungs. I saw all my friends in a huge circle, doing the same thing, but all I wanted was to be swaying around sporadically with this little-boy-turned-young-man, who used to moon me along with my own brother. No matter where life takes me, or him, he’ll always be my second bro.

I know all our friends had a good time, or at least, that’s all I’ve heard. Pete told us that our wedding was the best time he’s had since he was in Austria. Jon Davenport asked where my mom was and then proceeded to grab her for a dance. Gary called me “Mom” as usual and said that since I was married, he wasn’t a bastard anymore. (He calls me mom because I always take care of him when we are on trips.) Bobby wouldn’t let me leave until he got a slow dance, too, but of course I had dragged him on the dance floor earlier for some fast dancing, too. Ryan Roma, my best guy friend from high school, caught the garter and my cousin Jenna caught the bouquet. The look on my Uncle Tony’s face was priceless when it flew right into her hands!

I was good, too. I didn’t cry when my dad gave me away, I didn’t tear up more than a little at the altar with Mitch. I almost cried during Adrienne’s toast, I cried a little when Grandpa Eccles said the blessing and I cried a bit more with Deb as we agreed that Dave was there in spirit and was proud of me. I didn’t cry during our first dance as husband and wife or during the daddy daughter dance. I did cry when I got back to our apartment after the honeymoon and set up the Precious Moments nativity scene my mom got us. (When we were little, it was a big deal between my brother and me to see who got to set up Baby Jesus.) But I’m getting ahead of myself there.

I followed all the traditions, too: I carried Grandma Eccles’ prayer book with me as my something old, my dress was my something new, wore my mom’s pearl pendant as my something borrowed and had cute little blue panties as my something blue. Some things, though, we came up with on our own. We picked a non-traditional wedding reading (Ephesians 4:2-6) and had Marc play a Ten Shekel Shirt song at the ceremony. We chose our own song for the entrance at the hall (“I’m a Believer” by Smashmouth) and cut the cake to “I’ve Always Loved You” by Third Day. Our dinner music was a collection of Caedmon’s Call and Jars of Clay songs, with a little Third Day mixed in for spice. We did our best to make our wedding celebration truly “ours” while still following some traditions.

I have to put a plug in here for all our vendors, too. Baker’s of Milford was a great place to have the reception; everything ran smoothly and I didn’t have to think about anything. Sarah Sherman did the most beautiful flower arrangements ever and Dayna Johnston’s cake was beautiful and tasty. Our DJ, Martin from Mike Staff Productions, “kept the party going,” as all their ads promise, and though I haven’t seen our professional pictures yet, Melissa Dundas and her assistant, Brad, were awesome as well. Our family and friends also did a tremendous job setting things up and taking them down as well (even though I was out the door by the time stuff was being put away). Special thanks to Aunt Shari, Deb and Lindsay Hall, who set up beforehand, and everyone who stuck around to help out at the end!

After the reception, some other adventures began. Mitch had agreed to take me back to my parents’ house before going to the hotel so I could unload my memory card onto their computer (Kristy was awesome about taking pictures for me all night long), but when we got there, I discovered I did not have my keys and the hidden key was not where it should have been. So I ran back to the car, shivering, and waited for my parents to come home.

Finally we were on the road, making the half-hour drive to the Marriott near Detroit Metro Airport. I was dog-tired but happy to get all the bobby-pins out of my hair. I was looking forward to seeing our room, which Amanda's husband and brother and Adrienne's boyfriend had decorated for us under the direction (we thought) of Adrienne and Amanda. I was hoping something nice and romantic would spark a good mood, but when we arrived we found porn all over the floor, a huge negligee hanging from a picture on the wall, a scary-looking vibrator and a blow-up doll on the bed! Apparently the boys took some liberties with their decorating task! We stuffed everything (minus the porn) in a duffel bag to be sent home with my parents in the morning so we could extract our revenge at a later date, did what was expected of a newlywed couple on their wedding night and hit the pillows for less than 2 hours of sleep.

The flight was uneventful and when we got to our hotel in the Riviera Maya, we were excited to find our room all ready for us! Well, mainly we were tired and just relieved that we wouldn't have to sleep on the lobby couches or the lounge chairs by the pool. We got some lunch and crawled under the covers...but we were sleeping naked so when room service came to give us a special honeymooners platter or fruit, Mitch was frantically trying to pull on a pair of shorts and I was groggily making sure I was somewhat covered.

After a meeting with our Apple Vacations representative, we decided to book three tours, which would give us plenty of time to enjoy the resort and do some shopping in Playa del Carmen, which was only about 3 miles away. Well, after spending Sunday trying to lounge, we decided we needed a fourth tour or we were going to go crazy - apparently we can't relax, even with a gorgeous beach, a nice pool and all the alcohol you could ever want. I kid you not: there were about 5 bars just in our resort and we had access to three other resorts on the same strip for use of their bars and restaurants. Also, our room had a "mini" bar, which consisted of four fifths of liquor refilled every other day. We didn't do a very good job taking advantage of all this, though, and had maybe 5 drinks between the two of us the whole time, other than Mitch's wine at dinner.

Our first tour took us to Chichen Itza, which was awesome. We didn't get to see a sunset from the top of the pyramid (Side note: we were instructed that it was not a pyramid since it does not come to a point at the top; rather, we should call it a necropolis) but the view was amazing. It was pretty breezy when we got up there, so a lot of people were basically hugging the walls, but Mitch and I were pretty comfortable with the height. He basically ran down the steps when we were ready to head back to earth while all the rest of us were being a bit more cautious. When we went to lunch a few miles away, we got to swim in a natural pool fed by an underground river, which was sooooo refreshing after the sun and heat.

The next day, Tuesday, we went shopping in Playa del Carmen and got some Christmas gifts for family and friends. Unfortunately, we are not very good at bargaining, so we probably spent more than we needed to, really, but we got some nice things. My favorite stuff was the bright colored pottery with chili peppers all over it. We bought quite a few pieces as gifts and then got a plate for ourselves as well.

On Wednesday we went to a ranch and drove ATVs through the jungle and on the beach. Whenever we ride at Mitch's house, he usually lets me sit on the back of his, but with the heat and his desire to ride really hard, I drove my own. It was a manual so I had to get used to switching gears, but I thought I was doing really well. We were on kind of a seasonal road-sized trail heading out to the beach and I was with the beginner group, dodging potholes and thinking, "I wish the people in front of me would go faster!" Moments later, I was flying off my quad because I hit a big rock on the edge of the trail while trying to go around a pothole. Great. The result was a nice palm-sized bruise right below my hipbone, a really sore, swollen elbow and a stiff, scraped shoulder. I managed to drive the rest of the two hours but once we got back to the hotel I could barely stand to bend my elbow at all. I spent the rest of the night sitting on the bed resting my elbow on a big bag of ice. How romantic!

Thursday was snorkeling day, and I think the gentle movements in the water really helped my boo-boos. We went three places: a sinkhole, some undergound caves and an ocean inlet. We saw the coolest fish, by far, in the ocean but I really liked the caves because they were so neat. Our guide's name was Jesus (Hay-suess), which reminded me of an Alma College bouldering route named Jesus (same pronunciation) Christo. Anyway, he was fun and didn't make us wear lifejackets for our hour and a half ocean swim.

We were planning to spend the last day of our honeymoon relaxing, but after that first day where we were kind of bored, we signed up to drive a Jeep around Cozumel all day long. I think that might have been my favorite excursion; we took the ferry over to the island, then hopped in our Jeeps and drove to a beach for some snorkeling. We were driving with a really nice couple form Wisconsin, but they had forgotten to bring their drivers' licenses so Mitch drove the whole time. The wife had never been snorkeling before and her husband refused to go because he couldn't swim well, so we hung out with her and had a blast watching her get so excited over everything. After snorkeling we rinsed off and changed into dry clothes (I hate being wet unless I'm in the water, and I hate being salty-wet even more than that!) and drove to a Mayan village where we got a bit of history and took some pictures. Then it was time to go to lunch, where Mitch met a bird who was infatuated with his sunglasses. We finished off the day with a drive to the open side of the island to check out some cool rock formations. We desperately wanted to climb them but the water was really rough and we'd probably get smashed up against the rocks if we fell in. Mitch, though, decided to go to the very edge and try to catch a crab that was chilling in a little pool on the rocks. Apparently he asked me to warn him if a big wave was coming, but I never heard that, so I had my camera poised and ready as a big one came rolling in. I have a GREAT shot of him scrambling away from the edge as a wave crashed up and soaked him!

We were definitely ready to go home on Saturday, but no, our flight was delayed 4 hours because the pilot called in sick and they needed a replacement for him and someone else who was supposed to be training that day. We finally got home around 6 pm, started our massive piles of laundry and crashed hardcore. It was very strange sleeping in the same bed with Mitch at my parents' house, but I'll get used to it. On Sunday morning we got to open all our gifts and cards with my parents, Mitch's parents and all four of my grandparents, then we drove back to the Great North.

***

Dec. 17

Yeah, it’s the first big snow of the season and I’m right in the thick of it! We’ve been getting snow all week long here and I’m pumped, except when I have to drive the Probe. Then the only things being pumped are my brakes, which are not anti-lock. There has been more than one experience of my back end sliding out sideways while attempting to stop that last little bit, but I’m getting better at it!

Tonight Mitch and I are headed to Aunt Shari and Uncle John’s “lodge” in Boyne City to join 36 high school racers, my brother, my cousin and one other SLHS alumni racer. We’ll ski at Boyne Mountain tomorrow and then just head back down here, but next week we hope to be out at Caberfae a ton, taking advantage of Bobby’s awesome Christmas/wedding gift, a season pass for each of us!

Just a brief update on the job situation here: I have started being proactive about looking into other options in a number of ways, because things are not really getting much better. Number one, I wrote a letter to the United Way in Traverse City to see about volunteering in a marketing capacity either with them or one of their partner organizations. Why Traverse and not Cadillac? Simple: staffs are larger in TC, there are more national organizations there and there is a better chance that a job could eventually come out of volunteering. Number two, I applied for a job at the Cadillac Area Chamber of Commerce. It’s for a director of membership services position, not marketing or anything, but I thought it sounded interesting. So we’ll see where that leads. My next two steps, which I’ll start with after the holidays, are (1) to touch base with the vice president of the Traverse City Chamber and send her my new resume and contact information, since I now have a new name and (2) to call some family friends in Traverse for dinner, during which I will pick their brains and see if they have any suggestions. Just having a plan and doing something makes me feel significantly better, though it’s still a challenge to get through days when there is nothing to do.

On a more festive note, Mitch and I decorated our Christmas tree, finally. We cut it last weekend with his parents and had quite the adventure trying to put it up. First event: had to shake out the excess pine needles in our apartment, so we had a huge mess to vacuum up right off the bat, but the bag was full, so I had to go out and find another one. They didn't have any at Glen's so Mitch just dumped the bag out and put it in again. Not exactly the way you're supposed to do it, but it kind of worked. Second event: went to put the lights up and discovered that out of our four strings of clear lights, one did not work and one had white wires instead of green ones. I sent Mitch out this time, to Rite-Aid, but he came back with these funny shaped lights that just had little round balls on the end. So I told him to pack for Grand Rapids (he had to spend four days down there taking a class to prepare for his insurance license test thingy) and I went to Meijer to get lights and vacuum cleaner bags. Third event: we did not cut off enough branches along the bottom of the tree, so we had a bunch just laying on the carpet. So after Mitch left for GR around 6 pm, I went back to Meijer and bought a hacksaw, crawled under the extremely pokey Scotch pine and started sawing off branches. Fourth event: I replaced the vacuum cleaner bag and started to vacuum again but it was not picking up anything. So I flipped it over and found a huge clog in the beater brush, so I had to take it apart, pull out the clog and put it back together. FINALLY, it worked, I got the pine needles all cleaned up and was able to relax. Oh, I forgot to mention the fact that we put the lights on three different times during the course of this fiasco. But Mitch came home yesterday, we put on the Christmas music (he says the Carpenters are not cool…what does he know?) and made our tree all pretty.

It was strange having him gone for four days. Granted, I got a lot done: thank you cards, laundry, Christmas shopping, but it was so quiet without him. It’s like something really important was missing. Just doing the dishes with him last night was more fun than anything I did while he was gone!

Well, if you’ve made it this far in the multi-week entry, you’re probably sick and tired of my rambling! Hopefully I will get more consistent in my posting when we get Internet in our apartment on Monday (!) and you won’t have to endure so much at one time. Just one more thing: Happy Holidays to everyone!

***

So now it's Christmas Eve and this is a "real-time" entry. I have today off so I'm just putzing around the apartment cleaning and wrapping gifts. I didn't work yesterday, either, so I made a bunch of Christmas cookies and did the mounds of laundry that were piling up in our bedroom. When Mitch gets home this afternoon, we're heading to my cousin's for the McGrath family celebration. On Christmas the Eccles side is coming over to our house, I think, so it should be a great weekend. The holidays are always wonderful. We've had some rough ones...we've lost some people and we still miss them, but Christmas is the perfect time for us all to remember that no matter what, we all have the greatest gift anyone could ask for.

One for the records

Look at this, another update so close to my last one! Well, when you are supposed to be spending the day researching foundations in the local library, and are just too darn efficient, you have to find a way to kill some time. Actually, I only have about 15 minutes left, so this will probably be short.

One of the more practical things for which I am now responsible is the maintenance (and payment!) for my car. Mitch and I settled on PLPD insurance for the trusty, rusty Probe (which, by the way, I have had since high school) because it's really not worth the premium on any other policy. So we're paying a mere $66 per month for me to legally drive, and we've decided we aren't going to put any more major money into it. Minor things that have gone wrong over the past few weeks, however, have included replacing the muffler, changing the brake pads, replacing the half shaft (don't ask because I only know what the mechanic-uncle of Mitch's tells me) and something about a ball joint and the fact that my whole wheel could have come off at any time. Hmmm. Total for all this will probably be about $250 which is acceptable, but it's getting to the point where if anything else goes wrong, it's hasta la vista for the Probe. The only thing holding up back from actually looking for a new car (preferably four-wheel drive, now that we are Northerners) is the insurance, which is unbelievably high for a 23 year old driver.

Funny side note, semi-related story: I got paged in the library today so Mitch's uncle could tell me about the ball joint. There's nothing like hearing your name over a loud speaker in a perfectly silent building. Makes you feel a bit sheepish.

On another side note, I have to go. There is a man next to me coughing like he's trying to expactorate a lung, and whenever he types he breathes really hard, like it's too much work. Working in a hospital, I really see the benefits of being healthy and active and eating right, because so many people don't and it is apparent. All right, I'm out before I catch whatever he has!

Toughing it out

So here's a brief update on what happened after my last post: I did call the Traverse Chamber and they had filled the position, which was disappointing. However, I had a great conversation with the vice president, who told me she thought of me often and wondered how I was doing, and offered to pass along my resume if she heard about anything in the area for which I might be a good match. That in itself was a load off my chest. I don't know how to explain it, but knowing that job is not an option in the near future kind of allowed me to get past it and concentrate on doing two things. Number one, making the best of my situation at the hospital and number two, exploring other options. One did come up, a marketing position at Spring Hill, but the job description didn't sound like something I would truly enjoy. So I'm keeping my eyes open and planning to keep in contact with the Chamber...I trust something will happen, eventually, and I'll just beep doing my best.

So that's that. Most of my attention is currently focused on my wedding, which is coming up in less than three weeks. I'm at my parents' house right now and have been working on centerpieces and programs for a good portion of the weekend. Things are coming along nicely, but it seems like the list of things to do gets longer rather than shorter each day. Still, any one who knows me knows how much I like planning every little detail of something, so you all know how much I am loving this!

I think I'm going to go back to being introspective for a moment. The whole concept of "home" is really puzzling me right now. Home was here, in South Lyon, but it didn't take long for home to be Alma, too. I come back here and it still feels like home, minus the fact that my room is now the guest room. I go to Alma occasionally and it doesn't really feel like home, but it is familiar and I miss it. I guess what I'm getting at is Cadillac does not feel like home, even though I live there. Part of that probably has to do with the fact that we have not made any friends outside of work, which is probably because we are not there on the weekends. But on the weekends we would be doing the same things we do during the week after work: go biking, go to the gym, work at the apartment...we don't go "out," and even if we did, I'm pretty bad at meeting people at bars or something because it's out of my comfort zone. I suppose we would go to church and meet people, if we were there on Sunday mornings, so that will probably help. I don't want to come back here, to South Lyon where the city is rapidly eating every square foot of land, and I don't want to go back to Alma because that was college and I'm not in college anymore, but I'm just not truly content where I am, either. Maybe if I could pick up my family and all of my friends and bring them there, then it would be home!

Part of not being content, for me, is to make up crazy dreams. I think Mitch and I should work for four years, then move out West and go back to school for our MBAs. I think we should consider taking Robin up on her dream of opening a Christian camp out West...what could be better than a partnership with some of our closest friends, spending time in nature and impacting young lives? I think we should say, "Damn the Man!" (though Mitch thinks now he's considered the Man because he is in banking) and move to the mountains. I think Adrienne shoudl stay out West when she goes for her clinical, and Mitch and I can move out there, after which he will get a cushy job and support our skiing habits. OK, not it's getting a bit far-fetched, but the first two weren't bad. Mitch says I just need to find a job I like. I say, I have what I thought I wanted (a nice job in a small town in Northern Michigan) but now I'm not ready to have that and I want some adventure!

All right, the wedding programs are almost all printed, so I better get going. Sorry the updates are not more frequent, but hopefully I get better about it.

*Sigh*

Well, the situation at work is not improving much. No longer is it a sense of being overwhelmed but rather a sense of boredom. Refer back to a post at the beginning of September, and that's the basic gist: my days are not full in the least. Generally, I spend a good couple of hours trying to find ways to keep busy either by emailing people on my work account (which is not really workable, always, because the thing I have to talk about most is work and my current discontent) or surfing the 'net aimlessly for anything that could be mildly entertaining yet still construed as being somewhat related to grants.

But here's the kicker: even when I do have stuff to do, I don't really enjoy it all that much. Yes, there is this twisted part of me that likes seeing words come together on a page to clearly communicate a concept, but even that is brief. I don't like the rest of it, the cold phone calls to foundations that have never heard of "Mercy Hospital Cadillac," smile-in-the-voice, and really have no clue why I would even think to call them. Gee, maybe it's because I have always HATED asking for money! What the heck am I doing in FUND DEVELOPMENT?!?!?

Following the crazy, emotional time back in September, I am now just plain bored. After discussing matters with my mom at the beginning of October, I decided to give this a shot until the beginning of next year and then, if I was still feeling this way, I figured I could start seriously looking for something else. Why the end of the year? Mitch's benefits, for which I will be enrolled, don't kick in until then and going without health insurance would not be a good idea.

I looked at the Traverse City Chamber of Commerce's website to see if they had anyone listed under the position for which they wanted to hire me, and nope, no one there! Now that does not mean they did not fill the position, but it kind of seems that way. Not to sound conceited, but they really wanted me. If two separate phone calls trying to convince me otherwise after I had decline the job does not say that, I don't know what does.

So I pray. A lot. I pray for God's guidance here, I pray that he will show me where to go. Last night I fell asleep in a combination of prayer and imagining; what would it be like if I tried to make a move to the Chamber? What would my days look like? Would Mitch and I move somewhere in between TC and Cadillac, where he is sure to be placed next month? Would they even consider me after I already turned down a job offer for them? Could I really tell my boss that this isn't working for me? I wonder if he'd understand...they say they hired me for my passion, but I'm not feeling passionate about this.

It's very easy to ask other people for their advice and listen to what they ahve to say. Mitch just got home and we talked about it...he's completely supportive of any choice I make and any adjustments we would have to make. I could call my parents right now and get very rational, common-sense advice from my father. But I try to pray and listen to God, and I'm never sure if I'm hearing him right. I thought he was leading me to Cadillac, to my current job. I know he works in mysterious ways, but would he lead me to one job, show me it's not for me, and lead me another way? Or was I not really listening to him then? Am I not really listening now? How, exactly, does one listen to God? I feel like I need to go into the woods and pray, by myself, and maybe then I'll be able to hear him, away from all other distractions.

So I'm going to pray about it, really hard. Am I supposed to try to move to a new job? When? Am I supposed to contact the Chamber soon and try to set something up for after January 1st, if there is anything available, or am I supposed to really truly give this job more of a chance and start looking and making contacts next year? I just don't know and I'm hoping I can open my heart up enough to hear what God has to say, because I really want to do his will, not mine. There's a line from the song Marc's singing at Mitch and my wedding that goes, "I'm allowed to live to make the maker smile," and I know it will make God smile when I follow him through life. So I'm trying. Hard.

TC-in' it

So today I'm hanging out in Traverse City, presumably researching foundations. Now yes, I will be doing some work, but first I figure I'd better catch up on some personal Internet stuff, since my access is so limited. This is actually a really nice break...I mean, I have to spend a good couple of hours pouring over foundation directories, but I also got to ride to work with Mitch, I'll be eating lunch with him and then we'll be having dinner up here. It's like a mini-vacation, sort of.

Day-to-day life has been pretty calm for me. Mitch and I go mountain biking regularly, and I'm really starting to see and feel a difference in myself. On the trails I'm much more aggressive and don't get quite so tired anymore, and off the trail I generally just feel better for getting out and doing something physical. We also do some balance ball workouts and other strength training stuff occasionally, and boy do my abs hurt from our last session! We're also having fun cooking dinner together, usually on our new grill! And now that we have some cookware and things from various bridal showers, we can actually make a variety of food. Just last night I made brownies, and the whole apartment smelled like chocolate for the entire evening! Mmmm, brownies...

Wedding plans are coming along nicely. I'm kind of behind on my to-dos, but that's an ambitious list anyway. This weekend we're heading down to Mitch's parents' house for another shower, this time with his family. Apparently the women are going to do shower things and the guys are going to Mitch's grandpa's property (about 100 acres) to "shoot stuff." My dad is kind of excited because he gets to bring his gun and Bobby's looking forward to it, too. After that it's bachelor party time for Mitch, and he'll be playing paintball with Baleja, Davenport, my bro, his bro and some teachers/students from Matt's school. They're meeting up with Pete, Chels and Gary later for an evening in Lansing, and they'll be back the next morning. Meanwhile, I'll be hanging out with Mitch's mom and sisters, making grapevine wreaths for the centerpieces along with my mom, Gramma Carol, Adrienne and maybe Dayna, if she comes. So we have a full weekend of excitement, and once again I'll spend all next week playing catch up with cleaning, ironing and such. But it's worth it...I love seeing our families and spending time with friends. Oh, one thing I forgot: Friday night we are camping with the Adventure Club! I'm pumped for that...there's nothing like sitting around a fire with some of the greatest people in the world. And I may even get to wear my Carhartt, finally! It's probably the warmest jacket in the whole world, but because it's a work jacket I can't really wear it around or I look like a true redneck. Yeehaw!

Well, I suppose I should get to work, since there will only be about two hours until I meet Mitch for lunch. Let's hope I find some good stuff!

Bouncing back

First off, Ryan, you are awesome. Thank you so much for your encouragement (and yes I changed my settings, because I was unaware they were not allowing you to post!) and things are getting better. I think I was being overemotional because of the intimidation thing. But I had a nice long crying jag with Mitch, who is wonderful to sit and lsiten to me. He really has a good sense, most of the time, about how much advice to offer and when to just give me a hug. Once I got it all out of my system, I was more rational and calmer. He pointed out that I just have to take things at work one step at a time, so that's how I approached things today and it seemed to be helpful. I also leaned a little more heavily on my boss than I have been doing, because I am not equipped to make major decisions on my own in terms of programs and how to go after funding, and I am also not willing to be a "middle man." By this I mean that I won't go to someone, find out their ideas, take them to Bryan, find out his thoughts, relay them back, and so on. Not yet, because I don't know enough about the way the organization works, etc.

I'd like to say I'll never doubt that I am following God's plan again, but I know that is impossible. I'm pretty fallible. I make a lot of mistakes and it is hard living my life in such a different manner than what I was used to. In fact, it's really only been a year since I consciously took hold of a journey of faith. But I'm learning more each day and God leads me purposely to things and people who will help me.

I'll close with my favorite Bible verse, Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Intimidation

I hate finding out things you were not supposed to know. Employers keep certain things confidential for a reason, and people with no business saying anything should just keep their mouths shut, in my opinion. I was in a meeting at the beginning of the week with the education director at work, talking about some of her programs and picking up a grant proposal I wrote for her. I was talking about a concern I had in terms of a budget and mentioned wanting to be able to talk to other grant writers who had more experience, and she brings up this woman from Grayling, gushes about how successful she is, and told be she was actually the other candidate for my job. She said my boss’s biggest concern was that she lived in Grayling and was not planning to move…but she also told me that this other woman was actually her choice for the position.

OK, why, really, would you say something like that? It didn’t really get to me too much at the time…in fact, I thought the fact that they hired me, with no experience, over this woman with tons of experience was pretty incredulous. Now I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I’ve spent a lot of today trying not to cry when I think of how daunting the task ahead of me is. I’m not just writing grants…that would be too easy. I am trying to start up a whole grant writing campaign with no knowledge of how to do it, logistically speaking. I don’t know anything about the organization, what their priorities are, etc. etc. They hired me for my writing skills and my passion, according to what my boss and the CEO said. Well, I am thinking that they made a mistake. I’m not so sure the ability to put words on a page in a coherent fashion and a strong desire to tritely “make a difference” is enough to be successful in this job!

So I’m basically afraid they screwed up when they hired me and that they are going to regret it. I’m also afraid that I made the wrong decision, taking this job. The job in TC was so perfect…everything except the location, because of Mitch’s job. How large of an issue would that really be? He’s commuting from Traverse every day and we still have time to spend together in the evenings. We go biking, make dinner, relax, and all that stuff even though he has a long drive. What did I do?

I really felt, except for only a few days, that I followed God and took this job because it was where he was leading me. Now I’m not so sure if I really listened to him as well as I thought I did. I try to put my life in his control, I say I put my life in his control, but how do I know if I’m really doing that or not? How do I know when it’s my stubborn, fallible human mind that is telling me to do something and when it’s God? Yes, it seems pretty amazing that Mitch and I both got jobs that are technically in Cadillac (his training in TC won’t last forever!) and that I managed to get hired over someone with stellar experience. So this is God’s will, isn’t it? He does throw challenges into our lives and this is surely a challenge, and he wouldn’t want me to walk away from it, would he? It’s just that, in the back of my mind, I keep wondering if I made the wrong decision.

I think it’s just the intimidation factor at work here: I’m intimidated by this unknown person who was technically more qualified for this job than me, but I got it anyway. I’m intimidated by the sheer size of the task ahead of me and by the fact that my boss is tremendously busy with all this other stuff and I feel like I am bothering him when I have questions…through no fault of his own, I must add in fairness. It’s just silly, stupid me. Look at me, getting all choked up again. I need to go home, curl up on the couch with my cat, and cry while I wait for Mitch to get home and assure me that this is all part of the plan.

Just to clarify...

I'm less obstinant today. At the behest of the wise Tim Slade, I am redoubling my efforts to read the Old Testament. I have to confess I blatently skipped over directions for building tabernacles and the like, since I don't see myself in that situation at any point, but reading the stories of the different people is really interesting. It's also helping me see that God will show me where I need to be, if I just LISTEN. Not that I'm expecting a burning bush on a mountain or anything, but I know something will tell me what to do in my life. I am convinced Mitch and I both ended up with jobs in Cadillac for a good reason, since it's kind of an obscure place to find two very good jobs, and I am trying to be content with that. And really, would I want to be plunging myself into the unknown? Not particularly. "If you are content to simply be yourself, you will become more than yourself," or something to that effect. Read that one in my little palm-sized New Testament while I was trying to get through a slow time at work.

On to something a little less pensive: Mitch and I went mountain biking up here for the first time last night! Let me tell you, it kicked my butt! Up and down, hill after hill after steep hill! I don't know what Grant was talking about...a "nice trail" my left knee! I was so tired, and here's the kicker: Mitch and I were not the most proficient at reading the map, so we ended up biking in the wrong direction and having to turn around and do the "hell in the woods" section ALL OVER AGAIN! Surprisingly, I'm not sore, though climbing the stairs at work brought a bit of pain. We're taking a night off from biking and working out with balance balls tonight after dinner...woo-hoo!

This weekend we're heading back to the old stomping grounds...that's right, Alma! Friday night we get to see Tim and Anna before they head off into the wild blue yonder...or Africa. Then we are going climbing (!) on Saturday (wall's open from 12:30-5:00, if anyone is interested) and taking Matt out to dinner for his birthday. Old man, he's going to be 23!

Well, I'm kind of sick of being at the computer, so I'm going to send a few more emails and be on my way!

Restless and ranting

Oh my, whatever am I going to do with myself. Life is so wonderful...I have what I've always wanted, or thought I wanted: a nice little town and a good job, a great place to settle down...ach, those words "settle down" are suddenly making me cringe! That's right, I'm feeling restless, like now that I am kind of settled I should be getting up and moving on. A conversation with Mitch last night revealed the possible causes:

1. Work is moving too slow. I haven't had much to do since the initial first blast of submitting two urgent grants, and I feel like I am not accomplishing anything. Plus, I'm missing the passion on which I thrive. This is way nerdy, but last year, working with SIFE to make such big changes, I really felt like I was making a difference. I loved it, I would have done it for my job if I could, and now I'm chained to a computer (without being allowed any personal websurfing, no less!) trying to figure out how to get money for projects I of which I will never be a significant part (other than the money thing, which I guess is way significant, but it's not the same as say, actually DOING a program). I need to feel like I am actually accomplishing something. And yes, this will come in time at work, and yes, I just have to be patient, but NO, I don't want to wait!

2. This one is more obscure, I think. I am afraid no where will ever really feel like home, so I don't want to give this place a chance in case it fails. Maybe that is stretching it a bit, but I think I can see how it might work.

3. I am envious! Yes, envious of my friends who are either doing grea things, preparing to do great things, or have already done great things! I'm not ready to settle down to a nice country life because I haven't SEEN anything, I haven't DONE anything! Why aren't I having great adventures, living by the seat of my pants? I'll tell you why: because I am boring. I am safe and predictable and putting money into a retirement fund, for pete's sake. That's just me, but sometimes I wish I could be more.

OK, enough ranting, I'm going to rebel right here in the Cadillac Public Library, where I'm getting ready to settle down with a nice fat book of Michigan foundations and scan 3-columned pages for the words "health, health care, medicine, building," etc. Sorry for the confused negativity, that's not my usual style, but sometimes you just get, well, restless.